Monday, July 23, 2007

I Have Not Yet Begun To Grieve

My sister called me Sunday (yesterday) afternoon and informed me that our uncle passed away this last Friday. He was my father's older brother. We knew he was sick but the death was unexpected.

There will be a viewing on Friday but i'm not sure if i can take the time off from work. The funeral is Saturday. He'll be buried. The family will get together afterwards.

Last week was a pretty rough week. I felt pretty beat up as it was with various things happening - good and bad and fun and crazy and frustrating and stuff. In fact, I've been meaning to write a new blog post as I've been overdue for almost two weeks. I was hoping it'd be a different kind of post because there's been a ton going on. But i'll write another one soon!

The weekend was redeeming though, and I was able to connect with many GCN'ers locally. Gay Christian Network's vision is to build a Christ-centered community of LBGT believers. As the GCN Southern California regional leader and facilitator, I'm just trying to do the best that i can to help. I know i can't do everything and I can't please everyone - and i'm surely not perfect. But i can only try and hopefully people will find a way to connect.

The sucky thing is that even with all the awesome things happening with GCN in Southern California, I felt like someone in particular was attacking my leadership style last week. That pisses me off because it seems from everyone else that I'm doing a fine job. I'm doing something right. I think. (I'll need to listen to Siena and Toast's podcast and hear their thoughts about handling criticism.) Today, we've got a friend serving as a third party mediator between us because we weren't able to reconcile on our own. I'll admit that I had feelings of resignation at moments last week - even before finding out about my uncle. But i've found my friends to be encouraging and uplifting. Thank you!

But the news of my uncle's death is new to me.

I have not yet begun to grieve.

3 comments:

Angel said...

Oh Eric, honey, I'm so sorry :*( (((((Gentle hugs)))))) You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Shay said...

Many of your posts are really inspiring. Hope I can write as truthfully & brutally honest as you do. Salamat kabayan.

Steve F. said...

Eric, first, I am so sorry for your loss. It's hard to remember, at times like this, that those we love are never truly lost to us. It's never "goodbye," but just "so long, for now..."

It's fascinating about how we handle criticism. If we have 99 people who say, "yes, we all agree" and one person who says "what the hell?", who do we end up focusing on?...

Jesus said, "the poor morons you will have with you always..." (or maybe that was Archie Bunker?) I was pretty sure it was in my "Little Richard Translation," right there with the quote about casting your bread upon the waters, for you will receive back 100 soggy sandwiches...

In the end, brother, there will be two groups of people: those who agree, and those who don't. I have been encouraged by wise people to listen to the people who don't agree - if only to sharpen and affirm my own decision-making - but in the end, to follow my heart and the heart of God.

Besides, in a group like GCN, it's servant leadership, right? If it's about your "authority," you're probably screwed anyway - because in groups like GCN, folks like you are more like "border collies" than "leaders". You can gently nip at the heels, encouraging people to go in one direction or another - but as far as "authority," well...

Keith Green said it best...
Just keep doing your best,
And pray that it's blessed,
And Jesus takes care of the rest.


Hugs across the miles, brother.