Thursday, June 22, 2006

The Not So Fun Part of Living By Faith

It seems like it's always been about faith. For the past decade or so, the majority of my life decisions have been guided by the direction I believed the Lord was leading me. That direction was rarely the most logical, practical and obvious course of action. Thus, my family has never really understood why I won't just get a "normal" job. But after 10 years, I've learned to trust Him because He's always led me to people and moments that were significant to the Kingdom.

The thing is, even having developed a trust of Him, it's still pretty nerve-racking at times. He's always provided for me in one way or another. I've been hungry before but i've never starved to death. I've been unemployed for periods of time but He seemed to carry me through. Now, it's been just about 3 months since not having a $ paying job and I'll admit that it's really tough. Sure I trust Him - I know a job or financial support will come eventually, but I still have to live through it. That's not so fun. The journey is fun, the rollercoaster is fun, even the work He's called me to is fun - but the anxiety is never fun . . . .

It'd be so easy for me to take the easy road by getting a well paying job. It's not just that I want to do what I want to do. It's that I want to be obedient to do what I have been called to do. For right now, it's Catalyst. As it is now, the bills need to be paid. Over these past three months of not having a job, I've been investing the time in building up Catalyst - building relationships, casting vision, articulating strategies, working on Web site, etc... These things require time. They need to be done. But now i'm at a point to where I've got to find a job, something that I can do during the day that won't take much mental energy so that after work I can focus on the community work that I really want to do with Catalyst.

I've been stressing out extra this past week because the end of the month is coming up and rent will need to be paid and I so don't want to put a burden on my buddy/room mate (even though he probably can handle it for a month). I borrowed money from my mom a couple months ago to help me get by and I agreed to pay her back in chunks every month (thinking that I would have a job by now). Since I don't yet have a job or a source of income, I don't have the means to send her any money. I hate that because now the burden is hers until I can do something.

Oh how I long for the day when Catalyst can be fully funded and have the capacity to hire me. People don't get into non-profit work for the money - that's for sure! - but it sure does alleviate stress knowing that the time can be invested in it without the worry of personal bills needing to be paid. Sometimes people ask me what I "do" and I tell them (in so many words) that I've established a non-profit organization. Sometimes they respond with an "ooh" or an "ahh" but the truth is that it is NOT a glamorous lifestyle. It's all work and no/low pay but the compensation is that it's all heart. I feel blessed to be able to live out of my passion.

I keep reminding myself of what several people have told me along the way - "despise not the little things". In 15 years, I'll look back and see Catalyst in its infancy and I'll chuckle at the way we struggled just to get going. And i'll praise God for the way He has faithfully provided so that the fulfillment of this vision He planted in me can be realized.

I trust that the Lord will provide, especially since I believe that He led me to doing all of this. A friend of mine places people at a temp agency and after several several several weeks, still nothing. I contacted a friend of mine who is seeing about getting me in at the place where he's working. I really hope and pray that that pans out because I seriously need the job right now. Would you please join me in prayer regarding the whole job thing? Thanks, friends!


Anonymous said...

Hey Eric-I like this post a lot:) Rob kicked off his everything is spiritual tour. I think you would like it. You should see if he is coming near you.

Eric said...

Hehe thanks Anonymous, but Rob who?

The Rainbow Zebra said...

You know I'm praying!! ((((Eric))))

tk said...

hey man, long time no comment.. ive been busy with speaking and camp stuff. loved this post. alot. hope life is treating you well.