Sunday, April 13, 2008

Looking to Fit

I think many of us can relate to similar themes of disconnectedness. I received an email the other day from a TWC reader who found similarities in our stories. In responding to him, I ended up processing more of my recent thoughts and so I figured it was blog-worthy. After all, that is what this blog is for - to aid me in processing my thoughts to see how God is shaping me.

Along my journey, I felt like I didn't fit in either the gay or church or Asian world. I tell some of this in my YouTube story. In the current chapter of my life, I've found peace in pursuing authenticity - being a man of God who is gay and Filipino. The great thing about this kind of journey is that i'm not wandering aimlessly - I've got a direction that leads towards Christ . . . . He's given me a vision and a purpose and that's very exciting too. My vision is to inspire a greater sense of community, collaboration, and citizenship through meaningful relationships - and it's taken the form of a community organization that I founded two years ago. After further shaping and molding of what I've been hearing from Him, I'll hopefully be relaunching the organization in about a month. After honestly seeking and discerning the Lord's will for my next steps, I can say that He wants me to invest my energies in the vision He's given me and to support peripherally the vision He's given others, my friends in the Kingdom. So the road ahead of me is pretty clear - in terms of purpose.

On a personal level, I think I am missing something in my life. I want a companion to walk with. Doing this journey solo isn't something I'm afraid of because I've always done it solo. I've never been in a relationship before. But I'm recognizing my need for romantic intimacy and I think i'm just being honest with myself about that. I wouldn't paint a picture of myself as someone who is desperate or even a basket case because that wouldn't be accurate. But I would say that I ask God to continue to prepare me and him for each other and to bring us together when we're both ready for each other.

I don't think my desire is to be perfect. I've been pretty good at owning up to my imperfections and living through them. I think it would probably be more of a desire to fit. It's hard being a bridge builder. I was always wanting to be part of this community or that community then I realized that maybe I'm not supposed to only be part of one side of the bridge or the other but rather in the middle. I'm discovering that there is a community of bridge builders - those who are familiar with being in that place, that role. The greater vision for this realization is imagining what it would look like if bridge builders connected together. Then many many communities would have the opportunity to connect on multiple bridges and thus meet people they would never have met before in their own spheres. I think that's where God is taking the new organization - to bring fellow catalysts to the surface and then connect us together. (I'm so excited to show it to you when we're ready to go public!)

Hmm . . . . whether in a companion or in other catalysts, perhaps I'm looking for people like me. Maybe God is patiently constructing the kind of community I've been wanting to be part of. Who's with me? =P

Thank you, friends, for continuing to journey with me. I hope sharing what God is doing in me will prompt you to listen to what God is doing in you. Pursue authenticity. Empathize with those who are trying to be authentic. I believe that's how we begin to relate; that's how we begin to connect; that's how we begin to fit.

1 comment:

Steve said...

You are right on target! Its interesting, I find the lines being perhaps a bit blurred between "bridge builder" and "bridge". The bridge builders are actually the bridges themselves in some way aren't they.