Sunday, April 23, 2006

The Search For Mr. Right Continues

It finally happened.

Everyone always talked about it. They said it happens there all the time. I never really understood what they were talking about because I never saw it for myself and it never happened to me. I guess I just never noticed before. I surely looked around, of course, but it was just a reality about this place that I accepted was true because people said it happened even though I never experienced it personally for myself.

People cruise the gym all the time (they say). I'd even find myself cruising a couple times - extending my workout just to hang around a particular guy a bit longer. Everyone always says that the gym that I go to is known for all the hooking up that goes on there. They say that it's a mecca for gays at this gym but I never noticed them because my gaydar has always been on the fritz anyway. I was just there to work out and I never noticed anyone cruising me (of all people! yeah right! Like that would ever happen.)

So then it happened. Last night, I got hit on by another guy at the gym for the first time . . . .

My first thought was, "Is this really happening? To me? Here?!"

After it happened, I got on the Precor elliptical machine to do my cardio and I couldn't stop giggling and laughing to myself.

The guy was pretty bold. He started flirting with me right there in the locker room! And there were lots of other guys around too! This guy had no shame. He asked if I was single and I just blushed and scratched my head thinking, "what the heck do I do? Do I answer him? Do I deflect the question? Do I say I'm totally available? Do I say I haven't freakin' been with someone in awhile and it's about time? What about all these other people? Can they hear our conversation? Are they as shocked as I am that this guy is hitting on me so publicly or is this really a normal occurrence? Whoa . . . is this what everyone's been talking about happens at this gym?"

Yeah, each and every one of those questions flooded my mind in that 3 second period of me scratching my head after he asked about my marital/relationship status. I had a bit of an uncomfortable look on my face as I smirked and laughed and looked away and told him, "yeah, i'm single."

He continued his flirting and said, "wow, i would have figured that you'd be fighting them all off with a ten foot pole."


Oh goodness. We continued our conversation as I told him in so many words something to the effect of me not knowing what the problem is and that I wouldn't mind being able to have someone special to be with.

I took a step back and to the side. I was trying to figure out how to make my exit.

I'm sure I probably would have flirted back if this guy was someone that was more my type. He wasn't directly asking me out. He was just implying his interest with some general questions. I was super flattered that he was interested and even bold enough to express his interest. I don't think i'm that bold. (Maybe that's my problem). But since I wasn't mutually interested, I tried to appear comfortable with the conversation without the reciprocal flirt and concluded the conversation by saying it was time to work out.

Sigh. Nice guy. We talked a few times before this. I guess I tried telling myself during those times that it was just two nice guys having a conversation at the gym. I never connected that two nice (straight) guys don't normally have get-to-know-you type questions at the gym ( - or do they?). I wouldn't know.

Either way, I was flattered. But gosh, why doesn't that ever happen to me with someone I'm also interested in? I want something mutual, but it seems like i tend to be attracted to the ones I can't have - they are either straight or married or has a boyfriend or isn't local or whatever. One of these days, it's gotta click. Everything's gonna be in sync and we'll have a connection - there's chemistry, there's personality, there's inspiration, there's passion, there's timing, there's local geography (we live close enough to each other where we can connect again and often) . . . and there's mutuality.

I want someone who likes me as much as I like him.

Last Easter weekend, I met someone who I really started to like. There was something about his eyes and his smile that just makes me melt (still does!). His life was interesting and he was interested in my life. We engaged each other. I was really consciously enjoying this conversation with him and I was actually excited about this guy - not in that "gosh he's so cute!" kind of way, more like that "gosh, i'd really like to get to know him better" kind of ways.

Then I found out that he was seeing a friend of mine.


I hate that! Again, I fall for the guy I can't have! But this time, I sincerely thought he was single. In fact, I heard (through the grapevine) prior to this conversation that he had broken up with someone already, so naturally I thought he was single. But once I found out my friend was "getting to know him better" I abstained from expressing interest and began that process of convincing myself that the feeling is gone and I can move on.

Yeah, not so easy.

How many times do I have to hear from friends telling me about how they found love when they stopped looking for it!? Grrrr!

I'll stop looking once I know what that means and how to do it. In the mean time, the search for Mr. Right continues . . . .


Eugene said...

The tricky part, of course, is that if you quit looking because you're supposed to quit looking in order to get what you're looking for, you haven't really quit looking.

Or something like that. I think I just made myself dizzy...

Anonymous said...


Now you know how I feel!!!

Christine Bakke said...

Ha, I am totally clueless when someone is flirting with me (seriously, my friends can NOT believe the stuff I don't pick up on). And when I do get it (like I would have with what you're describing) then I panic and run.

:) So fun.

But yeah, act like you're not looking...say you're not looking...but still be, of course actively "not looking" - and it supposedly will happen. WhatEver. ;)

Anonymous said...

LOL I got hit on in the gym locker room too ;) It was interesting!

It will happen, look at the hotness of you ;)

Eric said...

"It will happen, look at the hotness of you ;) "

LOL! Tell that to the guys I've got my eye on!

Anonymous said...

Eric, what r u looking for? Just a boyfriend? Love?
I hate to sound like a cliche but in my really happened when I wasn't looking... I sorta gave up already on finding love after a series of bad bad boyfriends. I was just gonna go for coffee with someone who seemed expectations. Well I guess after kissing my frogs, my prince came... and 4 and a half years later...still madly in love.

But when I was single, Lisa Bevill's song "Alone In Love" got me through some lonely times. Just enjoy these quiet times and let Jesus be the lover of your soul.

Anonymous said...

Bless you, Eric. You're such a kind soul.

As far as I'm concerned, asking someone their marital status in a locker room is WAY too forward. I would have been speechless. But I'm glad it brightened your day.

Here's why you meet the right person when you're not looking: When you aren't needy or desperate, you exude confidence. I sense a lot of confidence just from the way you write and what you're doing with your life. You're ahead of the game already.

Still, it takes time. Good luck, and have fun!


Steve Schalchlin said...

The great things is that once it happens and you meet the right guy, you can stop looking. Until then, it just seems like a great, big world full of people who either aren't interesting or aren't interested in you. Sucks!

glenncruz said...

i remember someone telling this to me a long time ago: it's not just about looking for love, it's also about allowing yourself to be found. best wishes to you!