Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Nice Guys Score Points

So a friend of mine said to me the other day, "You know, sometimes it helps to not always be the nice guy. You don't always have to be nice." He went on further saying, "Sometimes, you get points by being mean because it shows you don't really need him. And that will make him want you more."

No. That's dumb.

If a guy doesn't like me because I am nice, then what does that say about him? Concurrently, if a guy does like me because I am mean, then what does THAT say about him? And what does it say about me that I would be someone I'm not just to play the game and the charade of trying to get a guy to like me?

Sounds manipulative to me.

Besides . . . I am a nice guy. Why shouldn't that be a strength of mine instead of a weakness? It doesn't make sense to me to be (or pretend to be) a jerk just to attract a jerk. I don't even like jerks - regardless of how cute or hot they look on the outside. A jerk and a meanie is just so . . . . unattractive. So i'm not going to play that game.

That said - the other night (Sunday) I discovered that being nice has its rewards . . . .

If you've kept up over the past two weeks or so, you know that I haven't exactly been having the happiest of times. It's been a rollercoaster and sometimes it can suck being in a mood - especially, a lonely one. The really refreshing thing that I experienced Sunday evening was shifting my focus off of me and on to a friend. I spent the evening shopping for a variety of things for a Christmas package. I won't divulge now which items I drove all around town for but I will say that it made me feel so good to actually consider carefully the things that he would like, the things that he would appreciate, and the things that he would just get a kick out of. It was absolutely fun because my heart was in it. I had no other motive or mission except to try to get him to smile and feel thought of. And I expect nothing from him in return!

Hmm...is that what having the Christmas spirit feels like? It's been so long!

So maybe this is me just being nice. Maybe it's me being thoughtful. Maybe it's me being caring. Whatever! As long as it's me. Why in the world would I want to intentionally be or act mean (or act anything) just for the ulterior motive of getting him to like me? I choose to be content being the person I am - just a regular nice guy who may unintentionally offend someone (I can take responsibility if I do) but just wants to make someone smile or laugh or feel a tad bit better about themselves and this world.

Here's the thing. I don't want my friends or my potential romantic interests to bring the worst out of me. I want my guy to be the kind of person that brings the best out of me. He's the kind of guy that makes me want to be a better person. Nicer, even.

That's what scores points with me.


Peterson Toscano said...

Eric, I agree with you. Be yourself; be nice. If we have to play these silly games to win someone over, then we are back in Middle School and who needs that mess.

And you, are a very nice person. I know from personal experience.

Anonymous said...

Eric....I never said that you should be a jerk. In fact I don't remember saying anything that remotely resembles what you said I said.

Actually,now that I think about it, you probably aren't even referring to our conversation. Hugs anyway.


Eric said...

Peterson - thanks!

Brian - you are so silly! I love you! =) And no! I will not have sex with you, no matter how much in love with me you are!