Lately it's been difficult for me to want to maintain bridges (much less build them) between the worlds of faith and sexuality. Honestly, I feel like wounds just keep getting ripped back open and the scabs are barely hardening. Perhaps my heart, too?
My heart isn't hardening towards the Lord. Heck no, I love Him! He's cool. We're cool. It's church folk that I guess I've been growing weary of - both gay and straight. That's probably a whole other blog entry by itself. You may get a sense of where I'm coming from in February's post "The Monkey's Pet Fish" and also April's posts "Through My Eyes", "Outside the Village Walls" and "Disrespectful, But With a Smile".
But when it comes to the idea of bridge building within the Church between those who hold a traditional perspective and those who hold an inclusive perspective regarding being gay, I'll admit that my initiative has sharply declined the past several months. Our local bridge building efforts (see Oct, Nov, Dec posts here) seems to have been on pause - I guess we're all busy (that's the easy excuse).
I think what brought us to a screeching halt was when it began to become an unsafe place for me. I say that because I was helping to drive our efforts forward and so when I hit the breaks, no one else took the initiative. I felt personally attacked and undermined by one person and the result was me feeling unqualified to be part of such bridge building dreams. Before that, we had been experiencing some really exciting relational breakthroughs. He drove me back into the closet as he reminded me of my shame.
I do believe, however, that we can resume our bridge building efforts. The vision of the Coalition of Bridge Builders is to see the broader Church engage in a productive and safe dialogue regarding gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals within our community. We started our efforts with churches and organizations. I wonder if we could resume with starting with individuals first. Our initial approach was to connect with the senior pastors but our efforts quickly became event driven, rather than relationship driven. Perhaps we can invest our energies with a coalition of individuals who are open to entering this dialogue - a productive and safe one. Individuals like Wendy Gritter at Bridging the Gap and everyone taking part in today's synchroblog event.
If we can catalyze individuals from the ground up, then the conversation will inevitably take place among the leaders. But if we only engage the leaders, then it may not filter down to the people. With productive and safe dialogue happening from both ends, then I believe we can see healthy movement.
How can we do this?
I've written before about these things which I'll share with you at the end of this. But first, here are some of my more recent thoughts from my gay Christian perspective and as a bridge builder:
1. A Sense of Safety is Paramount!
Regardless of the positions we take on issues, we have to be sensitive to people feeling safe. Remember that a gay Christian has experienced tremendous historical hurt by the Church. Asking a gay Christian person to engage in dialogue with a straight Christian person about the subject of being gay or the subject of homosexuality (those are two different things) is like asking an abused person to sit next to the person that abused them. I realize that you may not be the actual person that hurt them, but the feelings are still there and it can get pretty raw when it resurfaces. So if we want to keep everyone at the table, then we all need to be sensitive to that.
On the flip side, us gay Christians need to remember that this dialogue isn't therapy. The person next to us or across the table isn't really the person that hurt us. He or she may represent those who hurt us but it's not fair to them. We can't project our anger towards them by inflicting our baggage on to them. Let's remember that they are present - they are there willing to sit with us to have this very important dialogue. That should score points with us.
2. Take Initiative!
If you're a straight Christian person willing to be in this dialogue, it's a huge gesture for us to see you take the step forward into the gap. The reason is because from a gay person's perspective, we have routinely experienced people stepping away from us. We are all too familiar with rejection. So if you would take the initiative in reaching out toward us, then we're more likely to step forward to join you in the gap.
If you're a gay Christian person willing to be in this dialogue, we ultimately have to choose to step towards the other person as well. I know how we can be really bitter and not want to take any steps forward while expecting the person or group that wronged us to do all the work of making amends. Well, we have to be proactive about our forgiveness too.
3. Elevate the Conversation!
We have to find our common ground. There are numerous things that we might disagree about: tongues, tithing, communion, baptism, leadership roles and worship styles and structures and approaches, or even our interpretations of Scripture about the subject of homosexuality and being gay. But we may agree on the Deity of Christ, the Trinity, salvation by grace through faith, and a number of other core things. We need to elevate the conversation beyond the politics of our differences. We need to elevate the conversation to a broader vision - to see God's people love better. Our goal isn't to enter into debate about the things we disagree on. Our agenda cannot be to try to change the other person's mind. That was the old way and that clearly has served only to divide the Church further. But perhaps through relationship, we can change each others hearts towards one another. And God's Church can again begin to assemble to worship Him.
So with that, I invite you to continue this dialogue at www.TwoWorldCollision.com - a gay and straight collaborative christian community.
Here are articles I've written to help serve this dialogue:
"Building Relationships that Matter: A Framework for Entering the Hot Zone"
"Journey Christians: Beyond the Side A/B/X Framework"
Be sure to check back at Bridging the Gap's blog to see what other bloggers are contributing to the synchroblog event!
Showing posts with label Journey Christians. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Journey Christians. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Three Lessons Along A Straight Gal's Journey
This is a letter written to me by Pat who recently joined our other TWC site - Two World Collision Collaborative Christian Community. That's a place for both gay and straight "Journey Christians" to walk with each other beyond the Side A/Side B/Side X framework.
Pat is a straight gal on a journey through this issue and she shares three lessons that she has learned for herself so far. She gave me permission to share her letter with everyone here. Thanks Pat!
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Hi there, I'll update my profile later, for now I'll introduce myself a little:
I am a Mexican Catholic straight girl who came to this whole hot zone discussion by complete accident: to make a long story short I stumbled upon Andrew Sullivan's blog, felt totally immersed by it and felt really curious that he was both Catholic and Gay (go figure, I didn't know that was possible) ... fast forward 40 days (I am a little obsessive person) and now I know about "reparative therapy" the damages of reparative therapy, the possible biological link to homosexuality, gay sheep, marriage laws in the states, anti-gay propaganda, gay parents, gay struggle, gay kids suicide rate, bible passages, etc.
Names that only yesterday meant nothing to me like "Nicolosi", "Alan Chambers" and "Jon Cameron" or "Mel White", "Boswell" and "Mychal Judge" ring bells for me now, whether for disapproval or approval.
I have become an avid reader of Box Turtle Bulletin, Warren Throckmorton, Gay Christian Network, Ex Gay Watch, The Marin Foundation and, of course, your blog.
Through this journey I have learned three things so far:
First Lesson: That we all as Christians have a VERY big obligation to the Truth. If the first commandment is to love, I would say that the second commandment is to restlessly pursue the truth, no matter where the truth takes us. We cannot get comfortable by "just knowing". When we don't actually know, we must investigate, look, knock, ask, call. Every truth comes from the Holy Spirit, and I dare say that no matter WHO says something (a church, a president, a reverend, a priest or even, gulp, the Pope), if we find out that what is being said is false, then that is not possibly coming from the Holy Spirit.
Second Lesson: I am convinced now that being gay is not a choice, and since it is not a choice, it cannot be (substantially at least) changed. And all our following judgments about the question should take that as a premise.
Third Lesson: A constant I have found with all the anti-gay propagandists is that they lie. I'm not talking about what they believe, I am talking about plain and simple ignorance or distortion of the facts. The bare facts. So that makes them really suspect in my book. The other thing is that they are usually very very spiteful people.
So that's it, I don't know where this journey will further take me, I know that I want to do something, but I don't know what exactly. So joining this network is a start, I guess.
Pray for me! And congratulations on your courage! (great web design by the way!)
love,
Pat.
Pat is a straight gal on a journey through this issue and she shares three lessons that she has learned for herself so far. She gave me permission to share her letter with everyone here. Thanks Pat!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi there, I'll update my profile later, for now I'll introduce myself a little:
I am a Mexican Catholic straight girl who came to this whole hot zone discussion by complete accident: to make a long story short I stumbled upon Andrew Sullivan's blog, felt totally immersed by it and felt really curious that he was both Catholic and Gay (go figure, I didn't know that was possible) ... fast forward 40 days (I am a little obsessive person) and now I know about "reparative therapy" the damages of reparative therapy, the possible biological link to homosexuality, gay sheep, marriage laws in the states, anti-gay propaganda, gay parents, gay struggle, gay kids suicide rate, bible passages, etc.
Names that only yesterday meant nothing to me like "Nicolosi", "Alan Chambers" and "Jon Cameron" or "Mel White", "Boswell" and "Mychal Judge" ring bells for me now, whether for disapproval or approval.
I have become an avid reader of Box Turtle Bulletin, Warren Throckmorton, Gay Christian Network, Ex Gay Watch, The Marin Foundation and, of course, your blog.
Through this journey I have learned three things so far:
First Lesson: That we all as Christians have a VERY big obligation to the Truth. If the first commandment is to love, I would say that the second commandment is to restlessly pursue the truth, no matter where the truth takes us. We cannot get comfortable by "just knowing". When we don't actually know, we must investigate, look, knock, ask, call. Every truth comes from the Holy Spirit, and I dare say that no matter WHO says something (a church, a president, a reverend, a priest or even, gulp, the Pope), if we find out that what is being said is false, then that is not possibly coming from the Holy Spirit.
Second Lesson: I am convinced now that being gay is not a choice, and since it is not a choice, it cannot be (substantially at least) changed. And all our following judgments about the question should take that as a premise.
Third Lesson: A constant I have found with all the anti-gay propagandists is that they lie. I'm not talking about what they believe, I am talking about plain and simple ignorance or distortion of the facts. The bare facts. So that makes them really suspect in my book. The other thing is that they are usually very very spiteful people.
So that's it, I don't know where this journey will further take me, I know that I want to do something, but I don't know what exactly. So joining this network is a start, I guess.
Pray for me! And congratulations on your courage! (great web design by the way!)
love,
Pat.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Choosing to Love
This is a letter written by my straight Journey Christian friend Becky to a pastor in response to a comment he had made about gays:
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The truth is, you never know how you are going to react to something until it is close to you.
Whether or not I think being gay is right or wrong is not the issue. This is an issue of love. How we choose to love and respond when people are being hurt and treated as being something less than human . . . .
There was a day when I had to make a choice. I chose to listen to the stories. A story about a young man just beginning his life who was hung on a fence post to die. Why? And what makes it even more horrifying is that "Christians" to this day still protest saying this boy is now in HELL...I refuse to believe that.
Then there was another story about a friend of mine who loved the LORD with all of his heart, who had to leave his church and the youth group he loved..for many reasons... but mostly because he feared the reactions of his fellow Christians should they find out he was gay.
There were friends who do not want to leave their house because of how they have been treated. Humans who believe that they should not be on this earth!
There was a close friend who lived in fear, every day of his life. Fear that he would be "found out", always looking over his shoulder if he chose to go out with friends. Who might see him in the "gay" district. I began to ask myself why there was even a "gay" district in cities. I related it to biblical times when so many Christians were persecuted and had to go live in groups together in hiding to get away for the hatred and abuse. They could not tell anyone who they were for fear of losing their lives.
So, therefore I chose to listen and be a positive force in place where people feel like darkness sounds them everyday. I chose to be light in the darkness. I want to make the darkness and pain go away for my friends. I want to go to the places I believe JESUS would be. HE would be with the broken, hurt and suffering. HE would be with the people who have been abused, and all in the name of the Lord.
I had to make a choice a number of years ago when 3 very close and dear friends of mine all came out to me in what seemed a matter of days. I had two options, one was to hurt them, alienate them and leave them alone. The other was that of LOVE. That no matter what, I would love them through my actions, to accept them and everyone right where they were at. Was it right or wrong? I don't know, but I would allow God to be God and if it were wrong then He would convict my friends. My job was to have no agenda, to love them right where they were at, as hard as that may be. What grew out of that decision, both filled me with love and also shocked me.
One time I accompanied my friend to the "gay district" and I met a man who told me he hated "Christians", hated everything about them. I told him that I was one of those people he hated. He asked why I was there then? I explained to him how I had no agenda, that I was there with my friend, to support him. It was amazing how that turned him around and we talked for hours about everything. I questioned him and began to dig deeper, and found out that he had a great sense of who God was and knew that God was bigger than the universe. Before we went our separate ways that night he said to me that I seemed "different", a good different, different than most people. I just smiled, knowing what it was. It was an 'aha' moment for me, I felt shalom come over me. That is exactly what I wanted. I want to be different, I want to be a Christian without ever having to say I am. Without ever having to quote from the Bible. I just want people to see something different in me, and that being Jesus Christ.
That was not the only occasion, afterward gay people seemed to be everywhere. I had to reexamine what I was forced fed. Here is what I know, I believe that everyone was created equally in God's image. That He loves everyone the same, and that it does not matter what someone has done, is doing, or will do for He knows all.
I have become extremely passionate about erasing the stereotypes that are often held against the gay community. Yes, there are gays who do go out the bar, just like many straight people. There are gays who do sleep around with many sexual partners, just as do many straight people. There are gays who refuse to walk in the way of the Lord, as do many straight people. So why does our society deem it "normal" when straights do these things and "perverted" of gays?
In the end, it does not matter to me if a friend of mine is gay or straight, they are my friend. Unless of course they were endangering their life, I would let them know and beg them to stop, gay or straight.
I have come to realize that people are people, no matter what their sexual preference may be, no matter what their denomination or religion, no matter the color of their skin.
I contend that if my beliefs are wrong that I will be shown that in one way or another from God. I believe that HE is the ultimate judge....it is up to HIM, not me nor any other human being.
The Pharisees are mentioned many times in the Bible. I remember the story of one of the Pharisees inviting Jesus to dinner and the Pharisees being upset because Jesus did not wash before the meal. Jesus tells them that they clean the outside but the inside is full of greed and wickedness. In many ways that is not too far off from so many Christians of today. We look great and "clean" on the outside, we go to Church services on Sunday and forget about "Church" the rest of the week.
I recently watched a movie called Prayers for Bobby! It was a true story about a young gay boy growing in a conservative Christian household, with a mother who was misguided by what she was taught. She made her own son feel like he was nothing. She would tell Bobby he was going to hell, and that she would never accept him, ever and neither would GOD! After years of struggle, Bobby ends up taking his own life. It is not until after his death that his mother realizes what she had done. She found his journal and read of the struggles he had, how he prayed endlessly to change and how he questioned GOD. It was then that she too began to question, how could a beautiful, loving boy like her son be damned to hell? In the end she realizes that the judging should have been left to GOD, not her, nor any other human. She knew she was partially responsible for what happened to her son because of her close-minded thinking. Her fight to change that thinking continues to this day.
In the end, it does not matter what I think or what anyone else out there thinks. To me it only matters what GOD thinks. I believe that JESUS loves us all the same. His love is unchanging for everyone. I think that if we focused on what we had in COMMON with one another, instead of the differences, then we could live in true COMMUNITY as we were meant to live! I do not know what made GOD lay this topic on my heart? But, he did and I can feel in the core of my bones. It has allowed me to learn so much about myself and who I was created to be. To understand what it means to be a Christian and love one another unconditionally. To show people love through my actions. I believe that love really does win!!!! Love is a choice and I choose to love! Love wins.
Becky O F
Romans 15v4-6
"If you judge others you will have no time to love them."~ Mother Teresa
"Before you echo 'Amen' in your home or place of worship, think and remember...a child is listening." Mary Griffith.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are a straight Christian who, like Becky, thinks that expressing genuine love is more important than the divisive politics of the Church's homosexuality debate, then join us at Two World Collision Collaborative Christian Community and find out what it means to be a "Journey Christian."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The truth is, you never know how you are going to react to something until it is close to you.
Whether or not I think being gay is right or wrong is not the issue. This is an issue of love. How we choose to love and respond when people are being hurt and treated as being something less than human . . . .
There was a day when I had to make a choice. I chose to listen to the stories. A story about a young man just beginning his life who was hung on a fence post to die. Why? And what makes it even more horrifying is that "Christians" to this day still protest saying this boy is now in HELL...I refuse to believe that.
Then there was another story about a friend of mine who loved the LORD with all of his heart, who had to leave his church and the youth group he loved..for many reasons... but mostly because he feared the reactions of his fellow Christians should they find out he was gay.
There were friends who do not want to leave their house because of how they have been treated. Humans who believe that they should not be on this earth!
There was a close friend who lived in fear, every day of his life. Fear that he would be "found out", always looking over his shoulder if he chose to go out with friends. Who might see him in the "gay" district. I began to ask myself why there was even a "gay" district in cities. I related it to biblical times when so many Christians were persecuted and had to go live in groups together in hiding to get away for the hatred and abuse. They could not tell anyone who they were for fear of losing their lives.
So, therefore I chose to listen and be a positive force in place where people feel like darkness sounds them everyday. I chose to be light in the darkness. I want to make the darkness and pain go away for my friends. I want to go to the places I believe JESUS would be. HE would be with the broken, hurt and suffering. HE would be with the people who have been abused, and all in the name of the Lord.
I had to make a choice a number of years ago when 3 very close and dear friends of mine all came out to me in what seemed a matter of days. I had two options, one was to hurt them, alienate them and leave them alone. The other was that of LOVE. That no matter what, I would love them through my actions, to accept them and everyone right where they were at. Was it right or wrong? I don't know, but I would allow God to be God and if it were wrong then He would convict my friends. My job was to have no agenda, to love them right where they were at, as hard as that may be. What grew out of that decision, both filled me with love and also shocked me.
One time I accompanied my friend to the "gay district" and I met a man who told me he hated "Christians", hated everything about them. I told him that I was one of those people he hated. He asked why I was there then? I explained to him how I had no agenda, that I was there with my friend, to support him. It was amazing how that turned him around and we talked for hours about everything. I questioned him and began to dig deeper, and found out that he had a great sense of who God was and knew that God was bigger than the universe. Before we went our separate ways that night he said to me that I seemed "different", a good different, different than most people. I just smiled, knowing what it was. It was an 'aha' moment for me, I felt shalom come over me. That is exactly what I wanted. I want to be different, I want to be a Christian without ever having to say I am. Without ever having to quote from the Bible. I just want people to see something different in me, and that being Jesus Christ.
That was not the only occasion, afterward gay people seemed to be everywhere. I had to reexamine what I was forced fed. Here is what I know, I believe that everyone was created equally in God's image. That He loves everyone the same, and that it does not matter what someone has done, is doing, or will do for He knows all.
I have become extremely passionate about erasing the stereotypes that are often held against the gay community. Yes, there are gays who do go out the bar, just like many straight people. There are gays who do sleep around with many sexual partners, just as do many straight people. There are gays who refuse to walk in the way of the Lord, as do many straight people. So why does our society deem it "normal" when straights do these things and "perverted" of gays?
In the end, it does not matter to me if a friend of mine is gay or straight, they are my friend. Unless of course they were endangering their life, I would let them know and beg them to stop, gay or straight.
I have come to realize that people are people, no matter what their sexual preference may be, no matter what their denomination or religion, no matter the color of their skin.
I contend that if my beliefs are wrong that I will be shown that in one way or another from God. I believe that HE is the ultimate judge....it is up to HIM, not me nor any other human being.
The Pharisees are mentioned many times in the Bible. I remember the story of one of the Pharisees inviting Jesus to dinner and the Pharisees being upset because Jesus did not wash before the meal. Jesus tells them that they clean the outside but the inside is full of greed and wickedness. In many ways that is not too far off from so many Christians of today. We look great and "clean" on the outside, we go to Church services on Sunday and forget about "Church" the rest of the week.
I recently watched a movie called Prayers for Bobby! It was a true story about a young gay boy growing in a conservative Christian household, with a mother who was misguided by what she was taught. She made her own son feel like he was nothing. She would tell Bobby he was going to hell, and that she would never accept him, ever and neither would GOD! After years of struggle, Bobby ends up taking his own life. It is not until after his death that his mother realizes what she had done. She found his journal and read of the struggles he had, how he prayed endlessly to change and how he questioned GOD. It was then that she too began to question, how could a beautiful, loving boy like her son be damned to hell? In the end she realizes that the judging should have been left to GOD, not her, nor any other human. She knew she was partially responsible for what happened to her son because of her close-minded thinking. Her fight to change that thinking continues to this day.
In the end, it does not matter what I think or what anyone else out there thinks. To me it only matters what GOD thinks. I believe that JESUS loves us all the same. His love is unchanging for everyone. I think that if we focused on what we had in COMMON with one another, instead of the differences, then we could live in true COMMUNITY as we were meant to live! I do not know what made GOD lay this topic on my heart? But, he did and I can feel in the core of my bones. It has allowed me to learn so much about myself and who I was created to be. To understand what it means to be a Christian and love one another unconditionally. To show people love through my actions. I believe that love really does win!!!! Love is a choice and I choose to love! Love wins.
Becky O F
Romans 15v4-6
"If you judge others you will have no time to love them."~ Mother Teresa
"Before you echo 'Amen' in your home or place of worship, think and remember...a child is listening." Mary Griffith.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are a straight Christian who, like Becky, thinks that expressing genuine love is more important than the divisive politics of the Church's homosexuality debate, then join us at Two World Collision Collaborative Christian Community and find out what it means to be a "Journey Christian."
Sunday, February 01, 2009
The Monkey's Pet Fish
I was having one of those "ugly" cries. You know that gross tears flowing out of my eyes with snot dripping from my nose and lips quivering into an upside down smile with cheeks tightened up. That kinda cry. It was one of those "ugly" cries.
Not cute.
I was driving on the freeway this morning when it happened, on my way to a church service at Newsong in Irvine, California. There's a few reasons why this is significant to me. For starters, it's a predominantly Asian congregation. Secondly, it's a predominantly straight congregation. Thirdly, it's a bit of a mega-church. If you've followed my story these past couple years you'd know that these are definitely outside of my comfort zone.
But the Lord, in His hilarity and divine plan, was sending me here and I knew exactly what was up His sleeve. I just didn't necessarily like the fact that I had to be the one, once again, to go do the thing that absolutely challenged my sense of courage and security.
I was having a breakthrough there in the car this morning. And that breakthrough was the realization that I was afraid of God's people. I've never been afraid of God. He's always been trustworthy and consistently by my side. He's my friend. But it's God's people that I fear, at times. Because much of the profound hurt that I've experienced in my life was connected in some way to God's people, my own brothers and sisters in Christ. Ironic.
I wasn't crying because of the fear though. I was crying because realizing the truth that many people are afraid of Christians and see them as unsafe hurt-ers instead of heal-ers makes me sad and (I think) grieves the Spirit . . . .(read more)
For the major part of my life I've experienced ethnic shame for being Filipino. I didn't like being Asian nor did I feel like I connected with other Asians. I experienced racial prejudice with slurs directed at me while at a very young age and I responded by internalizing that hatred. Until recent years, having come out of the closet, the Lord has done much healing in me in that area of my life. Particularly since the Lord had begun a process in me of learning how to love myself as I am, the way He does. And so I've found myself growing - becoming more and more comfortable around Asians and even being able to look in the mirror.
Going to the service at Newsong was also going to be the first time since coming out that I was going to be investing in relationships with straight people in a church fellowship. When I came out, I had primarily been visiting with and getting to know people in congregations where the majority of people were gay. But this morning, I wasn't simply visiting a "straight" church because of an invitation or because I was church hopping. Before I even experienced a sunday morning service at Newsong, the Lord had already been telling me that I was supposed to go and invest in relationships there. So whether or not my first impression was great or terrible, I already knew going in that I was going to keep coming.
The fact that this was a church with resources and lots of people and that God was sending me here didn't make me feel comfortable either. My paradigm of Church has always been that "church" was not a "place to go to" or a "thing to do". I believe that we are the Church - the web of relationships that comprise God's family who live out a lifestyle of faith, and so if we are to experience this community fully, we have to see past the man-made structures and begin to see a Church without walls. ("Jumping the Walls" and "Band of Brothers and Sisters" describes my paradigm of Church further.) But one of the things that I liked hearing about Newsong beforehand was that they taught about similar themes regarding the Church without walls. It would be interesting to see how this looked within the context of a mega-church structure - to see if the substance of relationships in community was present as evidence of those who lived out this "Church without walls" paradigm. Nevertheless, the things I had been told about Newsong before coming to a service was refreshing.
So there I was crying in the car talking with God about how He always seems to send me to uncomfortable places. The reality is that I'm just always willing to go where He is. He's taken me to some very interesting places in my life and they were all places where He was already actively working among the hearts of people there. And so here He was again, sending me to an Asian Straight Mega-Church. My God's a comedian and He thinks He's funny.
The point isn't that Newsong is fine and great and that God is working through them to minister to others. I'm sure that's happening but that's not what I'm talking about. The point is that God has been actively working on the hearts of people here at Newsong and He wanted me to witness it and possibly even be a part of it. I don't know exactly what that looks like but if indeed He's preparing their hearts to enter into friendly non-combative relationships with gay people as a different approach to the historically hostile approach towards them, then heck yeah I'll keep myself in proximity to wait for God's prompting or call on me to share my heart and life.
I can be pretty critical of the Church in general with all of it's institutional surface relationships that come in arrogantly and hypocritically with best intentions of helping poor needy souls. It's like the Church has a savior complex. But I'm not simply critical of the Church. I can see what the Church can be - effective ambassadors of reconciliation, once again. We're not that now. But we can be. I've often written and spoken about these things. But here, this morning, I could be in the very uncomfortable situation of being part of God's answered prayer. It's not enough for me to talk about how the Church needs to change while in the comfortable safe spaces of fellowship with people like me. No, if I was going to pray for it, then I have to be willing to be the tangible body that God uses to answer my own prayer. Otherwise, I'd just be complaining.
For several months now, the Lord had been speaking to me about building community among straight Christians who could be loving and supportive of those who are gay. I haven't seen that happening much elsewhere in the conservative evangelical world. For two years, the Lord had me investing in relationships with gay people and even catalyze a tangible sense of community among gay Christians. Now it seems the Lord would have me do similar things with straight Christians. And already knowing the character and trend of God in my own life, I can see how these two communities of gay and straight Christians can eventually be brought together - not through program or agenda but rather through relationship.
If that's what He's up to, then I'll go and do whatever He wants me to do. Even if that means going to a community of straight Asian Christians and for the first time offering myself authentically right from the start. I would make no effort to advertise the fact that I'm gay but I would make no effort to hide the fact either. I would allow myself to be known (organically and in due time) as the man that I am and if God sparks relationship between me and others then I trust that it will be mutually edifying.
But this comes with huge emotional and relational risk. I've no idea how I'll be received. I can say that the two people from this congregation that I've shared a meal with - dinner with the Life Development Pastor and lunch with the Small Groups Director - both received me with love and generous hearts. And I can call them friends. But I've got my share of baggage. My hope is simply to be known in safe ways and to know others in safe ways.
Honestly, though, I don't enter into this without my own hypocrisy. I speak a lot about the need for reconciliation and for the most part I've seen that in my life more and more. But very recently, only a week and a half ago, a friend that I've known for almost ten years betrayed my trust and I've been having a difficult time forgiving him - much less giving him the time of day or releasing his "blocked" status from my Facebook.
Boy, I'm telling you that actually living out this life with Jesus is tough! It's one thing to go through the motions on Sunday morning but it's absolutely another thing to be owning His life as mine.
The pastor at Newsong Church is Dave Gibbons. I don't know too much about his celebrity but I gather that the work and ministry that he's done for the Lord has been noticed in evangelical Christendom. He's also got a new book out called "The Monkey and the Fish: Liquid Leadership for a Third Culture Church" which I'm very interested in reading since much of what I've heard has resonated with my paradigm of Church. This morning, he shared several points with the congregation while introducing the eastern story of The Monkey and the Fish. In a nutshell, the story tells of a typhoon raging and the monkey who sees the fish in the water. With good intentions, the monkey tried to "save" the fish by picking it up out of the water. The pet fish died and the monkey is an idiot. (That last part was my own, sorry Dave.)
So when I think about the Church on the issue of gays both in the congregation and in the community, some people can be a big monkey trying to help their pet fish and just makes things worse.
Ex-gay programs, exorcisms, reparative therapy, ex-communication from church or being disowned from the family.
The Church has left in its wake people like me who cry on the way to their precious "church services" or on the way home or in the shower or any where else where we feel completely alone.
But we are no one's pet and none of us wants to be someone's project.
While Dave didn't specifically reference the gay thing in his message, I think it can be applied. Straight Christians can do a world of good by simply putting the halo on the shelf, getting in the water, and experiencing empathy for what it's like to be gay - both in the congregation and in the community. In Dave's message, he talked about how this will require people to be in painful adaptation - the notion that it is going to be absolutely uncomfortable, will require a commitment to staying in the water (in relationship), and operating with the truth that Jesus is already present and that it's okay to step aside and just watch.
There's only room for One Savior in this Church.
So let's not mess up what Jesus is doing by throwing ourselves in before assessing how Jesus wants to use us productively.
On the flip side to this whole message is that I feel like God was telling me that not only am I the fish but that God was leading me to be of help to the monkey. It's not about the monkey being productively helpful to the poor fish. It's about the monkey being humble enough to realize that he could possibly use some help from the fish.
But how do you tell a fish that he can help the same monkey that tried to drown him with oxygen in the first place?
I guess that's where I find myself at right now.
I believe that I am a child of God, a member of His Church, who is not only valued and loved but is also useful and qualified for serving in His Kingdom. Am I willing to take the same humble approach of not simply trying to save the Church from its arrogant ways as if I'm some sort of twisted savior, but instead am I willing to build relationship with other straight Christians to actually appreciate their well-intentioned hearts and to earn the kind of trust in these relationships that grants me the privilege of speaking into a person's life?
It's the same approach that I would want from straight Christians to gay people. It seems only fair and reasonable that we would each share a stance of common humility.
Gosh, I can see the transforming power of reconciliation through relationships that God can do in healing His own Church - answering the prayers from both "sides". And what a testimony it could be to the world to show that even the Church can learn to forgive itself.
That kind of credibility would go a long way towards us being seen and even welcomed again as ambassadors of reconciliation.
[Be sure to check out Two World Collision Collaborative Christian Community for both gay and straight Journey Christians.]
Not cute.
I was driving on the freeway this morning when it happened, on my way to a church service at Newsong in Irvine, California. There's a few reasons why this is significant to me. For starters, it's a predominantly Asian congregation. Secondly, it's a predominantly straight congregation. Thirdly, it's a bit of a mega-church. If you've followed my story these past couple years you'd know that these are definitely outside of my comfort zone.
But the Lord, in His hilarity and divine plan, was sending me here and I knew exactly what was up His sleeve. I just didn't necessarily like the fact that I had to be the one, once again, to go do the thing that absolutely challenged my sense of courage and security.
I was having a breakthrough there in the car this morning. And that breakthrough was the realization that I was afraid of God's people. I've never been afraid of God. He's always been trustworthy and consistently by my side. He's my friend. But it's God's people that I fear, at times. Because much of the profound hurt that I've experienced in my life was connected in some way to God's people, my own brothers and sisters in Christ. Ironic.
I wasn't crying because of the fear though. I was crying because realizing the truth that many people are afraid of Christians and see them as unsafe hurt-ers instead of heal-ers makes me sad and (I think) grieves the Spirit . . . .(read more)
For the major part of my life I've experienced ethnic shame for being Filipino. I didn't like being Asian nor did I feel like I connected with other Asians. I experienced racial prejudice with slurs directed at me while at a very young age and I responded by internalizing that hatred. Until recent years, having come out of the closet, the Lord has done much healing in me in that area of my life. Particularly since the Lord had begun a process in me of learning how to love myself as I am, the way He does. And so I've found myself growing - becoming more and more comfortable around Asians and even being able to look in the mirror.
Going to the service at Newsong was also going to be the first time since coming out that I was going to be investing in relationships with straight people in a church fellowship. When I came out, I had primarily been visiting with and getting to know people in congregations where the majority of people were gay. But this morning, I wasn't simply visiting a "straight" church because of an invitation or because I was church hopping. Before I even experienced a sunday morning service at Newsong, the Lord had already been telling me that I was supposed to go and invest in relationships there. So whether or not my first impression was great or terrible, I already knew going in that I was going to keep coming.
The fact that this was a church with resources and lots of people and that God was sending me here didn't make me feel comfortable either. My paradigm of Church has always been that "church" was not a "place to go to" or a "thing to do". I believe that we are the Church - the web of relationships that comprise God's family who live out a lifestyle of faith, and so if we are to experience this community fully, we have to see past the man-made structures and begin to see a Church without walls. ("Jumping the Walls" and "Band of Brothers and Sisters" describes my paradigm of Church further.) But one of the things that I liked hearing about Newsong beforehand was that they taught about similar themes regarding the Church without walls. It would be interesting to see how this looked within the context of a mega-church structure - to see if the substance of relationships in community was present as evidence of those who lived out this "Church without walls" paradigm. Nevertheless, the things I had been told about Newsong before coming to a service was refreshing.
So there I was crying in the car talking with God about how He always seems to send me to uncomfortable places. The reality is that I'm just always willing to go where He is. He's taken me to some very interesting places in my life and they were all places where He was already actively working among the hearts of people there. And so here He was again, sending me to an Asian Straight Mega-Church. My God's a comedian and He thinks He's funny.
The point isn't that Newsong is fine and great and that God is working through them to minister to others. I'm sure that's happening but that's not what I'm talking about. The point is that God has been actively working on the hearts of people here at Newsong and He wanted me to witness it and possibly even be a part of it. I don't know exactly what that looks like but if indeed He's preparing their hearts to enter into friendly non-combative relationships with gay people as a different approach to the historically hostile approach towards them, then heck yeah I'll keep myself in proximity to wait for God's prompting or call on me to share my heart and life.
I can be pretty critical of the Church in general with all of it's institutional surface relationships that come in arrogantly and hypocritically with best intentions of helping poor needy souls. It's like the Church has a savior complex. But I'm not simply critical of the Church. I can see what the Church can be - effective ambassadors of reconciliation, once again. We're not that now. But we can be. I've often written and spoken about these things. But here, this morning, I could be in the very uncomfortable situation of being part of God's answered prayer. It's not enough for me to talk about how the Church needs to change while in the comfortable safe spaces of fellowship with people like me. No, if I was going to pray for it, then I have to be willing to be the tangible body that God uses to answer my own prayer. Otherwise, I'd just be complaining.
For several months now, the Lord had been speaking to me about building community among straight Christians who could be loving and supportive of those who are gay. I haven't seen that happening much elsewhere in the conservative evangelical world. For two years, the Lord had me investing in relationships with gay people and even catalyze a tangible sense of community among gay Christians. Now it seems the Lord would have me do similar things with straight Christians. And already knowing the character and trend of God in my own life, I can see how these two communities of gay and straight Christians can eventually be brought together - not through program or agenda but rather through relationship.
If that's what He's up to, then I'll go and do whatever He wants me to do. Even if that means going to a community of straight Asian Christians and for the first time offering myself authentically right from the start. I would make no effort to advertise the fact that I'm gay but I would make no effort to hide the fact either. I would allow myself to be known (organically and in due time) as the man that I am and if God sparks relationship between me and others then I trust that it will be mutually edifying.
But this comes with huge emotional and relational risk. I've no idea how I'll be received. I can say that the two people from this congregation that I've shared a meal with - dinner with the Life Development Pastor and lunch with the Small Groups Director - both received me with love and generous hearts. And I can call them friends. But I've got my share of baggage. My hope is simply to be known in safe ways and to know others in safe ways.
Honestly, though, I don't enter into this without my own hypocrisy. I speak a lot about the need for reconciliation and for the most part I've seen that in my life more and more. But very recently, only a week and a half ago, a friend that I've known for almost ten years betrayed my trust and I've been having a difficult time forgiving him - much less giving him the time of day or releasing his "blocked" status from my Facebook.
Boy, I'm telling you that actually living out this life with Jesus is tough! It's one thing to go through the motions on Sunday morning but it's absolutely another thing to be owning His life as mine.
The pastor at Newsong Church is Dave Gibbons. I don't know too much about his celebrity but I gather that the work and ministry that he's done for the Lord has been noticed in evangelical Christendom. He's also got a new book out called "The Monkey and the Fish: Liquid Leadership for a Third Culture Church" which I'm very interested in reading since much of what I've heard has resonated with my paradigm of Church. This morning, he shared several points with the congregation while introducing the eastern story of The Monkey and the Fish. In a nutshell, the story tells of a typhoon raging and the monkey who sees the fish in the water. With good intentions, the monkey tried to "save" the fish by picking it up out of the water. The pet fish died and the monkey is an idiot. (That last part was my own, sorry Dave.)
So when I think about the Church on the issue of gays both in the congregation and in the community, some people can be a big monkey trying to help their pet fish and just makes things worse.
Ex-gay programs, exorcisms, reparative therapy, ex-communication from church or being disowned from the family.
The Church has left in its wake people like me who cry on the way to their precious "church services" or on the way home or in the shower or any where else where we feel completely alone.
But we are no one's pet and none of us wants to be someone's project.
While Dave didn't specifically reference the gay thing in his message, I think it can be applied. Straight Christians can do a world of good by simply putting the halo on the shelf, getting in the water, and experiencing empathy for what it's like to be gay - both in the congregation and in the community. In Dave's message, he talked about how this will require people to be in painful adaptation - the notion that it is going to be absolutely uncomfortable, will require a commitment to staying in the water (in relationship), and operating with the truth that Jesus is already present and that it's okay to step aside and just watch.
There's only room for One Savior in this Church.
So let's not mess up what Jesus is doing by throwing ourselves in before assessing how Jesus wants to use us productively.
On the flip side to this whole message is that I feel like God was telling me that not only am I the fish but that God was leading me to be of help to the monkey. It's not about the monkey being productively helpful to the poor fish. It's about the monkey being humble enough to realize that he could possibly use some help from the fish.
But how do you tell a fish that he can help the same monkey that tried to drown him with oxygen in the first place?
I guess that's where I find myself at right now.
I believe that I am a child of God, a member of His Church, who is not only valued and loved but is also useful and qualified for serving in His Kingdom. Am I willing to take the same humble approach of not simply trying to save the Church from its arrogant ways as if I'm some sort of twisted savior, but instead am I willing to build relationship with other straight Christians to actually appreciate their well-intentioned hearts and to earn the kind of trust in these relationships that grants me the privilege of speaking into a person's life?
It's the same approach that I would want from straight Christians to gay people. It seems only fair and reasonable that we would each share a stance of common humility.
Gosh, I can see the transforming power of reconciliation through relationships that God can do in healing His own Church - answering the prayers from both "sides". And what a testimony it could be to the world to show that even the Church can learn to forgive itself.
That kind of credibility would go a long way towards us being seen and even welcomed again as ambassadors of reconciliation.
[Be sure to check out Two World Collision Collaborative Christian Community for both gay and straight Journey Christians.]
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Another Shot Fired
Another shot fired.
The Pope made a controversial comment that many are interpreting as hostile towards gays. Here's an article from BBC.
[Edit #1: Yeah, I realize the Pope was talking about behavior and not people, but let's be honest. The vast majority of gay and straight people will not make that distinction.]
[Edit #2: I decided to make another edit to the sentences above and below because I can acknowledge that it wasn't consistent with the heart of the message in this post.]
The culture war over beliefs and interpretations about sexuality and justice continue to rage on and both sides will continue their own version of a witch hunt. In the last two months, we've gone from Proposition 8 passing in California, to national protests to repeal Prop 8, to Rick Warren being selected for Obama's inaugural invocation (in my opinion, a premature gesture for the appearance of bridge building without first establishing relationship so that the selection would make sense), to coordinated responses by HRC and other organizations calling on Obama to affirm a commitment to GLBT justice and equality, to the Pope addressing Cardinals and staff (and essentially the world) making more comments against homosexuality.
This war must end.
Dignity and respect has nothing to do with our own personal opinions about things we disagree on. At the very least, we need civility. The ideal would be love, but perhaps that's too much to ask for during this holiday season. Each of us needs to consider the impact of our words - especially if, from our perspective, our intent is good.
We cannot continue to hurt each other.
We must elevate the conversation beyond the politics of our differences. Now more than ever do we need to create a space beyond the framework of "I believe this and you believe that". We need to create a space where we can come together based on what we have in common, not on what we don't have in common. We need people, both gay and straight, willing to become "Journey Christians".
If this is you, then be part of what we're trying to do at www.TwoWorldCollision.com.
The Pope made a controversial comment that many are interpreting as hostile towards gays. Here's an article from BBC.
[Edit #1: Yeah, I realize the Pope was talking about behavior and not people, but let's be honest. The vast majority of gay and straight people will not make that distinction.]
[Edit #2: I decided to make another edit to the sentences above and below because I can acknowledge that it wasn't consistent with the heart of the message in this post.]
The culture war over beliefs and interpretations about sexuality and justice continue to rage on and both sides will continue their own version of a witch hunt. In the last two months, we've gone from Proposition 8 passing in California, to national protests to repeal Prop 8, to Rick Warren being selected for Obama's inaugural invocation (in my opinion, a premature gesture for the appearance of bridge building without first establishing relationship so that the selection would make sense), to coordinated responses by HRC and other organizations calling on Obama to affirm a commitment to GLBT justice and equality, to the Pope addressing Cardinals and staff (and essentially the world) making more comments against homosexuality.
This war must end.
Dignity and respect has nothing to do with our own personal opinions about things we disagree on. At the very least, we need civility. The ideal would be love, but perhaps that's too much to ask for during this holiday season. Each of us needs to consider the impact of our words - especially if, from our perspective, our intent is good.
We cannot continue to hurt each other.
We must elevate the conversation beyond the politics of our differences. Now more than ever do we need to create a space beyond the framework of "I believe this and you believe that". We need to create a space where we can come together based on what we have in common, not on what we don't have in common. We need people, both gay and straight, willing to become "Journey Christians".
If this is you, then be part of what we're trying to do at www.TwoWorldCollision.com.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Journey Christians: Beyond the Side A/B/X Framework
I've often said that we are not alone. Along my own journey, I've been blessed to have encountered straight Christians who have been supportive of my story. That doesn't necessarily mean that they all believed that being gay is or is not a sin. Just that they've all been supportive. As my friend Andy often says, there's a difference between validating a person's experiences (by acknowledging them) and affirming a person's belief system (by sharing them).
If we're ever to elevate the conversation beyond the politics of our differences, we need an alternative space for conservative/traditional straight Christians to be able to walk with us who are either not straight or not conservative or not traditional . . . .
I still maintain that the Side X culture and ex-gay programs do more harm than good. They communicate the mixed message of God's unconditional love with the Church's conditional acceptance, and the historical result of such a culture is that it traumatizes individuals into a closet of shame and secrecy (and suicide) and has left many in its wake feeling spiritually abused. I believe that the Side X culture and ex-gay programs attack our self-esteem, self-image, self-confidence, and self-worth.
[Click here if you are unfamiliar with my use of the Side A, Side B, Side X Spectrum of Perspectives.]
I respect that many of us have a difference of perspective, opinion, and interpretation regarding the issue of faith and sexuality. That's okay. I think the Church needs to learn how to disagree with itself. My pal Ryan and I developed the term "swervemat" to describe "a learning space where one explores various viewpoints of a relevant subject in order to gain perspective."
But what alternative is there for straight Christians who lean more on the Side X part of the spectrum and can't exactly affirm a Side A or Side B stance on the issue but at the same time recognize that the broader Church needs to get away from the terrorism of Side X?
I've come to realize more and more that there are straight and gay Christians who are what I call "Journey Christians". These are believers who don't primarily use the Side A, Side B, Side X framework. For these Journey Christians, they engage in relationships without the lens of sin/not sin. They interact on a completely different plane and paradigm where a person's viewpoint about the issue of being gay and being Christian is less relevant than the fact that every person is worth knowing. And so they are willing to walk with others along the journey of their lives without precondition of purity or shared perspective.
It seems too simplistic for some "Side - ?" Christians to accept that these Journey Christians are simply building relationships on love. It sounds almost too intangible. But the fact remains that they live out the truth of our common faith in Christ with a consistent message of both unconditional love from God and an unconditional acceptance from God's people. They leave the judging to the Judge because they realize that condemning another individual of whom Christ died for is way above their pay grade. As believers, it's simply not our place to do such a thing.
All of us have been charged to love God and to love one another (the Greatest commandments) and then also show others to do the same (the Great Commission). So where ever any of us land on the spectrum of perspectives, it really doesn't matter in light of the fact that we are to engage in authentic relationships that are shaped not by our opinions on issues but rather shaped by our love.
That doesn't seem so hard. What does this look like?
1. Give each other the freedom to journey with God.
We need to keep pointing each other to Christ and get out of the way. We need to restrain ourselves from molding someone into the image of what we think they should be. We need to learn how to walk with one another without telling each other what to do. If we point people to the Counselor, instead of arrogantly counseling them with our own answers, then we more effectively disciple one another how to nurture our direct communication with God. That's more important than simply providing a temporary seemingly good answer. It's better for us to encourage each other to present God with our questions than to seek our friends for the answers. Let go. Trust Jesus enough to talk to His own.
2. Be willing to journey with each other.
Relationships take investment - of time, of energy, of heart. Our challenge is to love beyond our surface interactions and to explore what it looks like to walk through life with one another. Celebrate in each other's joys. Can it be enough for me to be happy that you are happy without the precondition of me agreeing with what you're happy about? Let's support a family member or friend in the things that they are excited about. On the flip side, grieve in each other's sorrows. Life isn't always about celebration. It's a struggle too! Let's share in each other's disappointments. Walking with each other through life means communicating through our actions that we are not alone.
3. Love without agenda.
We are the Church. And as the Church, we are to live a lifestyle of faith beyond the box of our religious routines. Let's explore ways of expressing tangible love. This could include hugging someone or putting your hand on someone's shoulder as they "come out" to you. Show the person tangibly that they are not unclean and that you are not afraid to touch them. Let them know that Christ loves them and that they are worthy to approach God with their questions. Encourage them to invite our Lord into their process. Just love without a (straight/Christian) conversion agenda. Tangible love builds relationship.
4. Subject ourselves to our own mirror
We need to stop looking at what we think is wrong in others and love them without precondition. We can remain humble by continually examining ourselves for correction instead of "lovingly" telling others what they need to correct. I can hardly see your sin because my own huge sin is blocking my view.
5. Experience empathy not pity
There is much hurt in the gay/gay Christian community. If we are to walk with one another, gay or straight, we need to empathize with each other's stories. We need to share in the painful experiences of others so that we can love more sincerely. For too long, the words and actions of God's people has caused hurt in already fragile people and has forced God's loved ones emotionally and spiritually farther away from Him. Cry when I cry. Get mad when I get mad. Show me that you'd rather be on my side instead of a Side A/B/X. It's personal. So get personal. Stand up for me. Don't tolerate it when someone else dehumanizes me. Remind me that Christ's love gives me human dignity. Then model it.
These are some tangible ways that Journey Christians can function above and beyond the Side A/B/X framework. Something has to change. We cannot continue this cyclical war of perspectives within the Church because it is hindering our effectiveness in being a witness of God's love. We cannot continue the Side X culture that communicates an inconsistent message of love. We have to shift the cultural paradigm of the broader Church to one that centers on our common faith in Christ and respects the individual faith journeys of all Christ's believers.
There is a better Way.
Go to www.TwoWorldCollision.com to see a community of Journey Christians.
If we're ever to elevate the conversation beyond the politics of our differences, we need an alternative space for conservative/traditional straight Christians to be able to walk with us who are either not straight or not conservative or not traditional . . . .
I still maintain that the Side X culture and ex-gay programs do more harm than good. They communicate the mixed message of God's unconditional love with the Church's conditional acceptance, and the historical result of such a culture is that it traumatizes individuals into a closet of shame and secrecy (and suicide) and has left many in its wake feeling spiritually abused. I believe that the Side X culture and ex-gay programs attack our self-esteem, self-image, self-confidence, and self-worth.
[Click here if you are unfamiliar with my use of the Side A, Side B, Side X Spectrum of Perspectives.]
I respect that many of us have a difference of perspective, opinion, and interpretation regarding the issue of faith and sexuality. That's okay. I think the Church needs to learn how to disagree with itself. My pal Ryan and I developed the term "swervemat" to describe "a learning space where one explores various viewpoints of a relevant subject in order to gain perspective."
But what alternative is there for straight Christians who lean more on the Side X part of the spectrum and can't exactly affirm a Side A or Side B stance on the issue but at the same time recognize that the broader Church needs to get away from the terrorism of Side X?
I've come to realize more and more that there are straight and gay Christians who are what I call "Journey Christians". These are believers who don't primarily use the Side A, Side B, Side X framework. For these Journey Christians, they engage in relationships without the lens of sin/not sin. They interact on a completely different plane and paradigm where a person's viewpoint about the issue of being gay and being Christian is less relevant than the fact that every person is worth knowing. And so they are willing to walk with others along the journey of their lives without precondition of purity or shared perspective.
It seems too simplistic for some "Side - ?" Christians to accept that these Journey Christians are simply building relationships on love. It sounds almost too intangible. But the fact remains that they live out the truth of our common faith in Christ with a consistent message of both unconditional love from God and an unconditional acceptance from God's people. They leave the judging to the Judge because they realize that condemning another individual of whom Christ died for is way above their pay grade. As believers, it's simply not our place to do such a thing.
All of us have been charged to love God and to love one another (the Greatest commandments) and then also show others to do the same (the Great Commission). So where ever any of us land on the spectrum of perspectives, it really doesn't matter in light of the fact that we are to engage in authentic relationships that are shaped not by our opinions on issues but rather shaped by our love.
That doesn't seem so hard. What does this look like?
1. Give each other the freedom to journey with God.
We need to keep pointing each other to Christ and get out of the way. We need to restrain ourselves from molding someone into the image of what we think they should be. We need to learn how to walk with one another without telling each other what to do. If we point people to the Counselor, instead of arrogantly counseling them with our own answers, then we more effectively disciple one another how to nurture our direct communication with God. That's more important than simply providing a temporary seemingly good answer. It's better for us to encourage each other to present God with our questions than to seek our friends for the answers. Let go. Trust Jesus enough to talk to His own.
2. Be willing to journey with each other.
Relationships take investment - of time, of energy, of heart. Our challenge is to love beyond our surface interactions and to explore what it looks like to walk through life with one another. Celebrate in each other's joys. Can it be enough for me to be happy that you are happy without the precondition of me agreeing with what you're happy about? Let's support a family member or friend in the things that they are excited about. On the flip side, grieve in each other's sorrows. Life isn't always about celebration. It's a struggle too! Let's share in each other's disappointments. Walking with each other through life means communicating through our actions that we are not alone.
3. Love without agenda.
We are the Church. And as the Church, we are to live a lifestyle of faith beyond the box of our religious routines. Let's explore ways of expressing tangible love. This could include hugging someone or putting your hand on someone's shoulder as they "come out" to you. Show the person tangibly that they are not unclean and that you are not afraid to touch them. Let them know that Christ loves them and that they are worthy to approach God with their questions. Encourage them to invite our Lord into their process. Just love without a (straight/Christian) conversion agenda. Tangible love builds relationship.
4. Subject ourselves to our own mirror
We need to stop looking at what we think is wrong in others and love them without precondition. We can remain humble by continually examining ourselves for correction instead of "lovingly" telling others what they need to correct. I can hardly see your sin because my own huge sin is blocking my view.
5. Experience empathy not pity
There is much hurt in the gay/gay Christian community. If we are to walk with one another, gay or straight, we need to empathize with each other's stories. We need to share in the painful experiences of others so that we can love more sincerely. For too long, the words and actions of God's people has caused hurt in already fragile people and has forced God's loved ones emotionally and spiritually farther away from Him. Cry when I cry. Get mad when I get mad. Show me that you'd rather be on my side instead of a Side A/B/X. It's personal. So get personal. Stand up for me. Don't tolerate it when someone else dehumanizes me. Remind me that Christ's love gives me human dignity. Then model it.
These are some tangible ways that Journey Christians can function above and beyond the Side A/B/X framework. Something has to change. We cannot continue this cyclical war of perspectives within the Church because it is hindering our effectiveness in being a witness of God's love. We cannot continue the Side X culture that communicates an inconsistent message of love. We have to shift the cultural paradigm of the broader Church to one that centers on our common faith in Christ and respects the individual faith journeys of all Christ's believers.
There is a better Way.
Go to www.TwoWorldCollision.com to see a community of Journey Christians.
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