Christians, Gays, and Chick-fil-A

I came back to my 'ole blog because I started writing these things on Facebook but then it got to be so long it was ridiculous to make it a single post on FB. I didn't feel like it was a good medium for it. So anyway, here's what i wanted to say about recent tit-for-tats about Christians, gays, and chick-fil-A.

I know many people who have experienced gradual shifts regarding their perspective of gay people and the issue of civil rights and all that. I know many people have regret for having voted for Prop 8 or regret for neglecting to vote about it. It's a few years later and I pray that people would not make the same mistake by ignoring the debate-conversation-kerfunckle surrounding Chick-fil-A, but instead choose to engage it. It matters.

I read several blogs this morning that I wanted to share. Each say some very important thoughts that I share. Some have thoughts I don't completely agree with (but that's okay). But I'll add here some of my own thoughts:

One of the things I liked about this one is that he makes the point about bullies. We talk so much about how bullying in schools is wrong, but when a kid stands up to a bully, he gets scolded for fighting. It's not about being neutral. Don't blame a kid for defending himself because he doesn't want to get his ass kicked (yet again). Get the bully to stop. Like seriously. Get the bully to stop. And don't buy it when you confront the bully and he starts crying and pointing fingers saying "He started it!" Here's the rest of his post:

http://www.owldolatrous.com/?p=288

This one is on 5 reasons why the Church failed yesterday. Chick-fil-A made tons of money yesterday. Lots of pictures and video were taken capturing the long lines of people proud about going out of their way to support their cause. But this subset of christians who participated in this "appreciation day" failed to acknowledge that they were inadvertently (and possibly unintentionally) going out of their way to contribute to the hurt of their neighbors. Believe me, I was extremely hurt to see a "friend of mine" advocating, supporting, encouraging, and participating in the Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day. Despite the smiles, love didn't happen yesterday. Here's more of Matthew Paul Turner's post:

http://matthewpaulturner.net/f1/5-reasons-why-the-church-failed-yesterday/

What I liked about Mike Patz's post (from a Christian's perspective) was his point that the problem isn't an unrepentant gay community but rather its an unrepentant Church:

http://michaelpatz.com/2012/08/02/the-morning-after-chick-fil-a-day/

My friend Andrew Marin commented about the gay Kiss-in at chick-fil-A restaurants planned for today and how Christians should respond. I like that he says to go and bring them some McDonalds because they'll probably get hungry and won't be eating chicken sandwiches:

http://www.loveisanorientation.com/2012/my-quick-thought-on-chick-fil-a/

Lastly, I'll close with more of my own thoughts.

Yes, people have the right to think and say their opinion. Chick-fil-A can take a stand against marriage equality. LGBT advocates can encourage people not to support a business. I don't think it was a good idea for Christians to support a politician's call for Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day because it is not an effective way for the Church to communicate love to a community that already distrusts it. AND I definitely don't think a gay Kiss-In at the restaurants is an effective way to protest the issue. Sure I get the point they're trying to make. But think about it. We're talking about a SUBSET of Christians who think us gay folk are really kind of disgusting (be honest) and therefore we're going to do something to perpetuate their disgust of us?

Some gay people feel like some Christians "flaunt" their judgments around. Some straight people feel like some gay people "flaunt" their sexuality around. Some gay people feel like it's not fair that straight people can express affection publicly but they can't do it without people getting outraged.

We need a different approach. The public protests may raise awareness but it isn't the most effective way to shift thinking. We need to build relationships with each other. We need to learn how to disagree with each other in a civil way -  in a way that doesn't forfeit friendships or familial ties.

People won't fear us when they get to know us.

Appealing the Ruling on DADT Enables Bullying

I've been increasingly disappointed with President Barack Obama lately, particularly because he appealed the federal court ruling that Don't Ask Don't Tell is unconstitutional. I was hopeful, like many, that his Presidency would be a catalyst for justice for LGBT americans. And at first I was patient with the delays and his ever constant excuse that he prefers that change happen via Congress.

But here's my thing. When a federal court judge determines that a policy is unconstitutional - aka unjust and contrary to the values document of our country, and then to make an appeal against such a ruling - to me, that's a very intentional decision to support the continuation of injustice and inequality.

Seriously, how many judges (who by the way, it's their JOB to be objective and impartial) across the country at various levels of government need to rule that something is wrong before people keep asserting that they'd prefer to have Congress (who by the way, are by nature partisan and partial) or even the general population make a vote saying that something is wrong. It's stupid. To me, it has nothing to do with legal process and how something becomes law and how it's better that there's broad public support for something becoming law. If it's wrong, it's wrong. If it's unjust, it's unjust. The very function of a judge is to determine that! And if the President 'claims' that he supports repealing the policy anyway, well then I think it's a total cop-out to pass the buck and say well if all of those people agree, then we'll repeal it. Nevermind a judge.

I'm disappointed because when I voted for him, I had hoped for a leader.

Every time a judge says that discriminating against gays and lesbians is wrong, and then someone else steps in to say, 'Wait a minute! Let's vote on that!' or 'Let's ask someone else about that!' or worse even 'If it's wrong, let's change the constitution so that we can keep doing it!', every time that happens, it further communicates to not only our youth but to everyone else that it's okay to discriminate and treat certain people differently. That's bullying.

So now, with the media attention around teen suicides and anti-gay bullying, and the popular It Gets Better campaign, now the President has the nerve to do an It Gets Better video saying that it's not your fault and that you should reach out to those who support you. I find this highly hypocritical because he fails to realize that Don't Ask Don't Tell and all kinds of other anti-gay discriminatory laws ARE ALL WAYS THAT ENABLE PEOPLE TO BULLY GAY PEOPLE.

Really. And so to intentionally make an appeal of the court's ruling that something is wrong, so that once again, openly gay American soldiers can be bullied into staying in the closet or getting kicked out of the military, well that's just disappointing and frustrating.

Here's what I think. If the Commander-in-Chief ORDERS the military to STOP doing something as simple as treating openly gay and lesbian soldiers/people differently, and instead to treat everyone equally and with respect, regardless of how they may personally feel about such an order, then I believe that our military is capable of following those orders, even in a time of war. It's a cop-out to say that we need to study the impact on military readiness from such a repeal. They'll be ready no matter what.

Since when did military commanders NOT give an order until first they took a poll to see if the troops would like the order or not? That's absurd.

It's not like I think, at the time of the last election, that the alternative would have been any better on this subject. But still, it's disappointing. And i'm not sure he'd have my vote again.

I'd rather have voted for Michelle Obama. Now her - I still love!

But as for President Obama - if it really does get better, then ARE YOU going to help make it better?

Ending the Ban on Gays in the Military

Haha, yeah I know it's been 9 months since my last blog post! While I've kept quite busy with fun and exciting things with Catalyst, a part of me still misses blogging - to process my thoughts on what ever it is I'm thinking about. I wish I had the time to do it more!

I decided to write today because I've been reading about recent and yet long overdue attempts to repeal the ban on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and I had some initial reactions. In a nutshell, I've gathered that opponents to the repeal are concerned about how the ban would effect military life and readiness.

Really?

Who do you think we are? Do gay people cause such sexual chaos that without any formal regulations, we would be free to f*ck anything and everything that moves? If you remove the leash, we'll be like dogs? Even in battle? Even when there is an important job to do?

Consider how offensive that "concern" is. At the very core, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is not about protecting good order. It is more about preserving prejudice than correcting injustice. The "concern" reveals that they would rather assume that gay people are sexual deviants instead of assuming that our military men and women already are people of order and discipline - whether gay or straight.

It is the ban that jeopardizes good order and discipline because it perpetuates an unhealthy, unrealistic, and unfounded fear in its own people. It creates the doubt.

Gay people don't make military weaker. We make it stronger. Gay people don't make the Church less holy. We make it more faithful and graceful. Gay people don't diminish society. We catalyze it.

The fear and concern about how our presence will effect others is counterproductive. Because all of those fears and concerns happen with straight people - and perhaps even more.

Do straight men and women serving in the same unit jeopardize military life and readiness?

The fact is that gay men and women are often leaders. Many of us strive towards excellence. We are good at what we do. My theory is that since growing up in the closet can sometimes make us feel inadequate and unacknowledged and that being gay is not in our control, many of us compensate (perhaps even over-compensate) by working even harder than others to achieve things because that is in our control. We can't choose to be gay. But we can choose what we do - to succeed, to excel, to be fabulous!

Either way, we need gay people to be gay people because the experience of being gay and (for many of us) growing up in the closet makes us thoughtful, innovative, creative, and empathetic leaders in our society.

People should be proud to have us among their corps.

Disrespectful But With a Smile

I'm just gonna say this upfront - I reserve the right to vent on my own blog.

That said . . . . what the frickin' hell!?

I'm serious! I mean, really, how in the world can straight "professing Christians" smile with arrogance and then slap me in the face and think that they are doing the Lord's "good work"? I probably shouldn't say "Christians" because some of the people there were cool. It's more like this particular pastor of A Village Community here in Long Beach.

I literally wiped my feet on the mat, not before entering this "house of worship" but rather AS I LEFT this place.

"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town." - Matthew 10:14

All through the service I kept mentally shaking my head at the things I was hearing . . . .

The whole service was about asking questions. People were asked to text message their questions. The pastor even started off with talking about "us having a conversation with each other." But instead of a discussion about the value of having questions or that we sometimes ask the wrong questions or what are the right kind of questions or at the very least having a discussion about the question - like I suppose I was expecting from this kind of a topic - instead, the pastor read off a question, answered it himself, then read off another question, then answered it himself, then read off another question, then answered it himself.....blah blah blah.

I mean seriously, who does he think he is that he's got all the answers according to his worldview?

And here's the kicker. After reading off a question that said, 'Does God love believers more than He does unbelievers?' he arrogantly and resolutely "ANSWERED" with an emphatic "YES".

Seriously. He said that there is scriptural evidence to suggest that God chooses some and does not choose others and that He loves some and does not love others. Seriously.

Now, yes, there's context to this whole thing. But that's still the bottom line of what he was saying. And I'm not saying that I don't believe in a distinction between "God's people". I understand that as well as the "setting apart" of them. But in this discussion about "questions" I was absolutely dumbfounded that it didn't even occur to this pastor or anyone else that perhaps that was the WRONG question to ask. I mean, really, do you really want to talk about how God loves some people but not other people? Was that the "message from God" for today?

It didn't even occur to him that perhaps the better question to ask instead of 'Does God love believers MORE than He does unbelivers?' but rather would have been better to ask 'How does God want me to love both believers AND unbelievers?' That would have been a question God would answer. I mean, how many times did Jesus NOT answer a stupid question? SO MANY times! Why? Because people asked the wrong question.

But no. Instead of reframing the question, he stayed on that direction to go on and on about God's sovereignty to love whomever He chooses and to NOT love whomever He chooses. Why, did this pastor say? So that the ones He chooses to love could FULLY APPRECIATE the love. So that the ones He chooses to love could see the contrast. Seriously. He spoke about an exclusive love. No empathy or compassion for those outside of God's love. Just that those whom God chooses to love should appreciate being chosen.

I also wondered why the pastor wasn't coming up to me to shake my hand or welcome me during the entire service - particularly since there was literally 12 people in the room and there was a 'say hello to your neighbor' time and also two times where everyone broke up into tiny groups to discuss stuff. There were times when he could have said hello. I wondered if he recognized me because we had met once or twice YEARS ago while I was with that faith-based non-profit that I co-founded. But maybe he didn't recognize me. Yet still he chose not to greet or welcome the obvious ONLY newcomer.

At the close of the service, he prayed a prayer of just accepting truth in faith. Um, the truth that HE just presented? Without question? Without doubt? The prayer was to accept it even when it was hard to accept. His answers. His truth. His interpretation. His worldview. I seriously thought this, but during the prayer it really felt like it was a brainwashing. But this wasn't a cult out in some remote ranch. This was a church just like most in the city.

So then after the service when everything was done and over with, he walked up to me saying my name, 'Eric, you remember we met before.' And I was completely friendly and saying that it was good to see him and he asked a couple probing questions about what I was doing now. I told him about Catalyst Community and I told him about the Green Long Beach! Festival and that some from his church were having a booth and selling T-shirts. I told him about some of the good things we're doing in the community. I didn't say anything gay-related.

He wasn't interested in what I was doing now though. He wanted to probe because he had thought I was a pastor. I told him that I encouraged some communities of gay Christians to feel supported because there are so many that want to worship but are being rejected out of their own congregations. But no I said I wasn't a pastor. And in that context of conversation, he began to say what he really wanted to say which was that he wanted to make it CLEAR that they were not an "affirming" congregation.

(And in my head, I'm thinking why is this relevant? I didn't bring up the gay thing, he did. And if he didn't know me before this, he wouldn't have even known that I was gay.)

Really? I'm here visiting your church and was actually looking for a place to start going to regularly and the welcome sales pitch is to make it CLEAR that they were not a place that thinks "gay" is okay. Really? And after me telling you that there are SO MANY CHRISTIANS who are gay that WANT TO WORSHIP JESUS but are being REJECTED out of their OWN CONGREGATIONS, you feel it necessary to talk about the gay pride parade and how there are churches in the parade that are affirming of "the lifestyle" and there are churches on the side that are holding picket signs and yelling "burn," and you want to tell me that your church represents "neither" but that you want to make it CLEAR that "we are not affirming"? Really? That's what you want to tell me?

And after saying these things to me, he started saying with a smile, "That's my main concern. I wanted to make that clear." After he said that a couple times, I thought it was odd. It seemed out of context. So I inquired, "wait, sooooo, what's your CONCERN?" I asked genuinely with a 'I don't get it' tone. I wasn't saying anything about anything gay regarding me and this congregation. And he said, "well the festival. If we're going to have a booth, I wanted to make it CLEAR that we're not affirming." So I was like, "but the festival is a GREEN festival. You know, GREEN as in, the environment? The festival is about encouraging people about sustainability and how to use energy efficiently and to talk about recycling." And he was like, "oh."

"Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy." Ezekiel 16:49

Who's the Sodomite?

So now as I think back to the lack of welcome and the lack of eye contact and the messages that God loves the believer and NOT the unbeliever and the closing prayer to accept the truth and the intentional effort to make it CLEAR (his words) that they were not an affirming church . . . . I get the sense that it was all because he did recognize me right from the beginning. Remember, there were only 12 people present. I was clearly the newcomer.

After he realized that I was helping to organize logistics for a GREEN festival, he said his goodbyes to me, stepped back and away to assemble his post-church service meeting (which was actually a debrief of their 'outreach project').

I said my friendly goodbyes to the folks I met, started shaking my head and wiped my feet at the front door as I LEFT them.

What a freakin' arrogant hypocrite.

So I drove home just pissed and angry and mad at how disrespectful he was but with a smile. I'm SURE he has NO CLUE as to how offensive he was. And I'm SURE he has NO CLUE as to how he hurt me and his own witness.

By the time I got home, still mad, the first thing I saw when I turned on the television was the ending speech from Sigourney Weaver in "Prayers For Bobby" (see below) and by the time she hugged her son/that kid at the side of the parade I was literally balling my eyes out just crying like really really heavy tears.

I mean, seriously, why can't I just go to a church service with other people that love Jesus and not leave feeling worse than I did when I arrived? (And no, maybe I don't want to always go to a church where the congregation are mostly gay.)

As far as I've gone on this journey, I'm still surprised at how this still affects me the way it does. I still take it very personally, the Church's rejection of gay people, because my own story of suicide is very real and relevant to me. And I was the one who gave THEM a chance. I freakin' allowed myself, yet one more time, to go into a place knowing that these freakin' Christians might freakin' hurt me freakin' again. AGAIN! It still affects me profoundly and as strong as I think I am, they still freakin' make me cry every time.

Damn it.




Break the cycle of hurt. Go to www.TwoWorldCollision.com.

Choosing to Love

This is a letter written by my straight Journey Christian friend Becky to a pastor in response to a comment he had made about gays:

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The truth is, you never know how you are going to react to something until it is close to you.

Whether or not I think being gay is right or wrong is not the issue. This is an issue of love. How we choose to love and respond when people are being hurt and treated as being something less than human . . . .

There was a day when I had to make a choice. I chose to listen to the stories. A story about a young man just beginning his life who was hung on a fence post to die. Why? And what makes it even more horrifying is that "Christians" to this day still protest saying this boy is now in HELL...I refuse to believe that.

Then there was another story about a friend of mine who loved the LORD with all of his heart, who had to leave his church and the youth group he loved..for many reasons... but mostly because he feared the reactions of his fellow Christians should they find out he was gay.

There were friends who do not want to leave their house because of how they have been treated. Humans who believe that they should not be on this earth!

There was a close friend who lived in fear, every day of his life. Fear that he would be "found out", always looking over his shoulder if he chose to go out with friends. Who might see him in the "gay" district. I began to ask myself why there was even a "gay" district in cities. I related it to biblical times when so many Christians were persecuted and had to go live in groups together in hiding to get away for the hatred and abuse. They could not tell anyone who they were for fear of losing their lives.

So, therefore I chose to listen and be a positive force in place where people feel like darkness sounds them everyday. I chose to be light in the darkness. I want to make the darkness and pain go away for my friends. I want to go to the places I believe JESUS would be. HE would be with the broken, hurt and suffering. HE would be with the people who have been abused, and all in the name of the Lord.

I had to make a choice a number of years ago when 3 very close and dear friends of mine all came out to me in what seemed a matter of days. I had two options, one was to hurt them, alienate them and leave them alone. The other was that of LOVE. That no matter what, I would love them through my actions, to accept them and everyone right where they were at. Was it right or wrong? I don't know, but I would allow God to be God and if it were wrong then He would convict my friends. My job was to have no agenda, to love them right where they were at, as hard as that may be. What grew out of that decision, both filled me with love and also shocked me.

One time I accompanied my friend to the "gay district" and I met a man who told me he hated "Christians", hated everything about them. I told him that I was one of those people he hated. He asked why I was there then? I explained to him how I had no agenda, that I was there with my friend, to support him. It was amazing how that turned him around and we talked for hours about everything. I questioned him and began to dig deeper, and found out that he had a great sense of who God was and knew that God was bigger than the universe. Before we went our separate ways that night he said to me that I seemed "different", a good different, different than most people. I just smiled, knowing what it was. It was an 'aha' moment for me, I felt shalom come over me. That is exactly what I wanted. I want to be different, I want to be a Christian without ever having to say I am. Without ever having to quote from the Bible. I just want people to see something different in me, and that being Jesus Christ.

That was not the only occasion, afterward gay people seemed to be everywhere. I had to reexamine what I was forced fed. Here is what I know, I believe that everyone was created equally in God's image. That He loves everyone the same, and that it does not matter what someone has done, is doing, or will do for He knows all.

I have become extremely passionate about erasing the stereotypes that are often held against the gay community. Yes, there are gays who do go out the bar, just like many straight people. There are gays who do sleep around with many sexual partners, just as do many straight people. There are gays who refuse to walk in the way of the Lord, as do many straight people. So why does our society deem it "normal" when straights do these things and "perverted" of gays?

In the end, it does not matter to me if a friend of mine is gay or straight, they are my friend. Unless of course they were endangering their life, I would let them know and beg them to stop, gay or straight.

I have come to realize that people are people, no matter what their sexual preference may be, no matter what their denomination or religion, no matter the color of their skin.

I contend that if my beliefs are wrong that I will be shown that in one way or another from God. I believe that HE is the ultimate judge....it is up to HIM, not me nor any other human being.

The Pharisees are mentioned many times in the Bible. I remember the story of one of the Pharisees inviting Jesus to dinner and the Pharisees being upset because Jesus did not wash before the meal. Jesus tells them that they clean the outside but the inside is full of greed and wickedness. In many ways that is not too far off from so many Christians of today. We look great and "clean" on the outside, we go to Church services on Sunday and forget about "Church" the rest of the week.

I recently watched a movie called Prayers for Bobby! It was a true story about a young gay boy growing in a conservative Christian household, with a mother who was misguided by what she was taught. She made her own son feel like he was nothing. She would tell Bobby he was going to hell, and that she would never accept him, ever and neither would GOD! After years of struggle, Bobby ends up taking his own life. It is not until after his death that his mother realizes what she had done. She found his journal and read of the struggles he had, how he prayed endlessly to change and how he questioned GOD. It was then that she too began to question, how could a beautiful, loving boy like her son be damned to hell? In the end she realizes that the judging should have been left to GOD, not her, nor any other human. She knew she was partially responsible for what happened to her son because of her close-minded thinking. Her fight to change that thinking continues to this day.

In the end, it does not matter what I think or what anyone else out there thinks. To me it only matters what GOD thinks. I believe that JESUS loves us all the same. His love is unchanging for everyone. I think that if we focused on what we had in COMMON with one another, instead of the differences, then we could live in true COMMUNITY as we were meant to live! I do not know what made GOD lay this topic on my heart? But, he did and I can feel in the core of my bones. It has allowed me to learn so much about myself and who I was created to be. To understand what it means to be a Christian and love one another unconditionally. To show people love through my actions. I believe that love really does win!!!! Love is a choice and I choose to love! Love wins.

Becky O F

Romans 15v4-6

"If you judge others you will have no time to love them."~ Mother Teresa

"Before you echo 'Amen' in your home or place of worship, think and remember...a child is listening." Mary Griffith.

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If you are a straight Christian who, like Becky, thinks that expressing genuine love is more important than the divisive politics of the Church's homosexuality debate, then join us at Two World Collision Collaborative Christian Community and find out what it means to be a "Journey Christian."

TWC Featured Question: Being in the Closet

We've got a featured question over at our Two World Collision Collaborative Community site. Go on over and share your experiences!


"What are some ways that being in the closet (either now or in the past) has affected the decisions you make now?"


Go here to answer the question or read other responses.

Approaching Relationships With Intentionality

These are some of my friends. I love them.

They are unique and diverse, all full of talents and skills, beautiful both inside and out. This photo represents only a snapshot into several of my various communities of friends. People in this photo are young and old, male and female and transgender, single and coupled, latino, black, white, asian, pacific islander, gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, doctor, college grads, students, high school grads, multi-lingual, ESL, and of varying faith backgrounds. We are quite a hodge podge of diverse friends!

We were all gathered last night for dinner, celebrating my birthday. And so I took the opportunity to share my heart with them. (Keep reading further in this post to watch the video of that talk!)

There's been a lot going on in California lately and I've been excited to be a part of it with many of my friends. Many of us have been part of rallies, marches, phone banks, and volunteers to oppose the passing of Prop 8. It's personal for us because it's OUR rights that have been taken away from us or it's our LOVED ONES rights that have been taken away from them.

I've said before that I consider myself more of a relational catalyst than a political activist. The difference? In my view, a relational catalyst takes an organic approach to building bridges within a community by inspiring the development of meaningful relationships for the purpose of building a relational infrastructure within that community. In my view, a political activist takes a grassroots community organizing approach to rallying and mobilizing a community around a worthwhile cause.

I believe that both are essential to shifting our culture . . . .

The political activists and organizers work to affect the "power structures" that govern law and religion while using a unified arm of people to build national awareness and support and to confront opposition. The relational catalysts work to affect the "people structures" that comprise our communities, neighborhoods, and families while developing tangible relationships and connections between individuals across a region. Both kinds of people, the activists and the catalysts, work in tandem to shift paradigms, hearts, and attitudes. A person might be one or the other or both! And when we experience the collision of world views as we've seen between those who believe all people, gay and straight, have the equal right to marry versus those who believe that only straight people have the right to use the term marriage, the resulting clash brings intense hurt and anger - and in many cases irrationality.

As we're seeing the Marriage Equality Movement advancing forward to draw national attention, catalyzed by the passing of Prop 8 eliminating the rights of California's citizens, we are without a doubt witnessing history being written before our very eyes. In the past, we had the benefit of hindsight and history to teach us what sacrifices and advances had been made before us. However, as witnesses to current events, we have the unique opportunity of helping to shape the outcome.

In 2000, a similar initiative in California (Prop 22) banning same-sex marriage was approved and passed with 61% to 39%. Now, 8 years later Prop 8 passes barely with 52% to 48%. That's a huge indication of the shifting views in California culture - along with the mobilizing capabilities of organizers and advocates and allies. There are more and more people who are supporting equal rights for all people. The interesting thing to note is that seeing as how straight people are the majority, that means statistically most of that 48% who voted against Prop 8 were straight. There are millions of straight people who support us. The work of political activists and of relational catalysts, together, can help tip the scale in favor of equality the next time the public is asked to vote.

It does take some intentionality.

Right now, there are efforts to organize across the country to demonstrate peacefully against discrimination. You can be a part of it by passing the word along, going to rallies, marches and events, signing petitions, writing to elected officials, and speaking out to let your voice be heard.

But as a relational catalyst, what can you do?

Yesterday was my birthday and to celebrate I invited friends from several social circles that I'm connected with for a dinner at a restaurant. So I took the opportunity to share with them what I call the "Fabulous 5" things that they can do to approach their friendships with intentionality by being a relational catalyst. Here's the video of that talk:



The "Fabulous 5" to Being a Relational Catalyst:

1. Invest in 5 people not like you - build relationships with people who are different than you so that you can mutually learn from each other, hear each others stories, and begin to empathize with each others experiences.

2. Participate in neighborly service - identify a need that your neighbor has and serve that need by helping to fill it. You can also volunteer with community organizations. Mow your neighbor's lawn. Prepare a meal for an elderly or pregnant neighbor. Help pick up trash at the beach. Help build a home. This will help people to see that we are nothing to be afraid of. Rather, we are their fellow neighbors that can support them when they are in need.

3. Partner with other people who share your passion - find others who care about what you care about, then collaborate together to make a difference! Do you care about Marriage Equality, cancer, Substance abuse among teenagers, suicide prevention, HIV/AIDS prevention & education, or some other cause? I believe that we can do more together than we can separate. So find those who share your passion or cause and do it together.

4. Facilitate introductions - provide opportunities to introduce the new people that you are meeting with your broader group of friends. Let them connect with each other. Host a dinner party, plan an outdoors event, get a group of people together for a movie or a show.

5. Cast vision - speak into the relationships in your life and inspire people with a vision of community, collaboration and citizenship. Show people how they can connect with the people in their world and how they can affect their community together. Inspire them to be a relational catalyst.

The "Fabulous 5" are things that you can do over the next year to approach your friendships with intentionality and to help build a relational infrastructure throughout our community. Not only do we gain meaningful relationships, but when it comes time for the activists to call on us to mobilize, there will be more of us (catalysts and our relationships) in the community who can respond.

www.GoCatalyst.org

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Snatched and Gay Bashed

STATE MEASURE - PROPOSITION 8: ELIMINATES RIGHT OF SAME-SEX COUPLES TO MARRY. INITIATIVE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT. Changes California Constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry. Provides that only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California. Fiscal Impact: Over the next few years, potential revenue loss, mainly sales taxes, totaling in the several tens of millions of dollars, to state and local governments. In the long run, likely little fiscal impact on state or local governments.

It was surreal. I stood in the voting booth reading this ballot measure that put to a vote whether or not people approved the stripping of one of my constitutional rights. Articulated the way it was, I was sure that people would read it and be appalled at such a prospect. That in the year 2008, an American society would again allow the bullying and degradation of a minority group because they are different and have a different opinion about something. I was wrong.

YES - 52% NO - 48%

Perhaps many in the straight evangelical conservative sect of our Father's Church felt justified in leading such a charge in their self-righteous call to protect not families but their pharisaical traditional perspective at the expense of demoralizing and literally "invalidating" their neighbors.

They shall be accountable to God.

There is much hurt and anger that many of us are processing - both gay and straight. This wasn't just something that we were wanting and were told No. Rather, this was a Constitutional right that we already had and was taken away from us. Snatched and gay bashed. Ori and Rom Brafman in their book called SWAY say, "We experience the pain associated with a loss much more vividly than we do the joy of experiencing a gain."

I do feel robbed!

The thing that has been pissing me off, though, is the complete lack of empathy that I've been perceiving from those who approved of the discriminatory Constitutional amendment. The hypocrisy is unbelievable! One of my pet peeves is when someone projects the very stupid things that they themselves are doing but then accuse the "other side" of doing those stupid things. Seriously, I hate that! It's like....dude, take a look in the mirror - the thing you're complaining about, that's what YOU are doing!

It's like there's a proud haughtiness from people who minimize the pain they've contributed to in their neighbors by calling opponents to the Proposition "poor losers" when we rally to express our anger or move to appeal to the supreme court. Well hell, that's what the court is for! To step in when the majority continues to treat "fellow Californians" like second-class citizens.

Who knows how far the organizers and activists and lawyers will get with the courts. But I shall appeal to God. I ask that He would hear the cries of His people. I ask for His vindication and justice to prevail. I ask that He would intervene. I ask that He convict the hearts of those who have set such a poor example of love - those who hide behind their tradition as an excuse to close their eyes and ears and hearts and common sense from acknowledging the human dignity afforded to all people by God - and this country. Supposedly.

So yeah, I'm pissed. And right now I'm going to allow myself to be angry and to grieve and to vent so that I can appreciate the gravity of what's happened. I'm choosing to allow myself this time and this space, for now, so that then I can move on and move forward with the much needed task of bridge building, healing, forgiving, and vision-casting.

With Liberty and Justice For All

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, indivisible, With Liberty and Justice for all."

I've always considered myself patriotic. I was never directly involved in politics because I feel my approach to change is different - less activist and more catalytic, relationally. That, plus the divisiveness of politics - the constant collision of world paradigms always turned me off. And so I'd always tune out.

This year, though, I have never been as interested in politics as I am now. It has, in large part, to do with the inspirational presence of Barack Obama. I've never held a loyalty to a political party - but I do believe our country needs a leader who can cast vision for us, to not simply be a better world power (as the arrogant Americans we are sometimes accused of being around the world) but a call on each of us as world citizens to be better neighbors.

The upcoming election next week is relevant to me. I suppose that's why I'm so interested. The next president will shape the course of our country and we are in desperate need for a positive change. The morale of the country depends on it. But in addition to the presidency, California has the opportunity to demonstrate what it looks like to be better neighbors - to say NO to Proposition 8 and to affirm dignity and respect for all people equally . . . .

On May 15, 2008, the California Supreme Court ruled (effective a month later) that it is unconstitutional to have two "separate but equal" designations - "marriage" for straights and "domestic partnerships" for gays. The court said, "We therefore conclude that in view of the substance and significance of the fundamental constitutional right to form a family relationship, the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all Californians, whether gay or heterosexual, and to same-sex couples as well as to opposite-sex couples." (Click here for a copy of the ruling.)

Prop 8 would eliminate from me a basic fundamental constitutional right to marry the person I choose to share my life with - a right that I currently have, finally. How would a woman feel if next week her right to vote were rescinded? How would a black man feel if next week his right to marry a white woman were rescinded? How ridiculous and backwards would that be? We all deserve equal dignity and respect - the court says "separate but equal" is unconstitutional. Prop 8 disagrees and so is trying to change the constitution to justify and legalize discriminatory segregation.

Gosh, that's why this is so relevant to me. Because it's about my rights as a citizen. It's about our rights and the kind of society we want to live in. See, here's the thing . . . when I was in the closet, I felt like I wasn't worth being known. I thought that being gay was a terrible thing and that it was something to be ashamed of. The closet does terrible things to a person's self-image and self-esteem. So to be affirmed dignity and respect as a gay man repairs much of the harm and hurt caused by a society that has a history of discriminating against minorities for not "being" like everyone else.

While having lunch at Subway after church service, a man with his two teenage kids asked me to educate them about Prop 8. (I was wearing a button). So I pulled up a chair and we talked about the fact that all people, gay or straight, currently have the equal right to marry in California and that Prop 8 would eliminate that right for gays and lesbians. He was confused by the double negative phrasing surrounding it and so I explained to them that since Prop 8 would take away our rights, we should vote NO. It was cool to see that even his kids agreed without any prompting from their dad. It was good to see that this father was raising his family to respect all people equally.

I've been proud lately.

I've been proud of my city when the Long Beach City Council unanimously voted on October 17, 2006 for a resolution in support of marriage equality and even further urged state and federal law makers to support marriage equality. (Click here for a copy of the resolution).

I've been proud of my family who have supported me in coming out. They also support and show love towards my niece who came out earlier this year. She even went to prom with her girlfriend! She rocks! One day she'll feel that she's ready to be married. It may even be with another girl. She currently has that right. Prop 8 would take that right away from her. Yes, this issue is personal for me. Mess with me, we'll talk about it. Mess with my niece and my family, oh heck no! The gloves come off!

I've been proud of my employer (for my day-job) for keeping a non-discrimination policy towards anyone including gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered individuals. In fact, we are a local association of the broader California Teachers Association (with over 350,000 member teachers statewide) that has historically taken a stance for human rights and equality. The CTA has officially taken a NO position on Prop 8. (Read about it here). I'm also proud of them for backing it up with action by supporting the No on 8 campaign. I know they are getting a lot of flack for their financial support (even by other teachers), but I'm proud of them for not backing down for what's right.

I've been proud of my friends John & Russ and Susan & Jen who each affirmed their love and commitment for each other by getting married, legally.

I've been proud of my good friend Becky who just married a good guy named Bret (pictured above). Becky is a strong "ally" of ours ("friend of the Family") and has ALWAYS had a heart for the GLBT community. She lives this passion out in her personal advocacy, her fundraising for triathlons (she competed at the Gay Games in Chicago for team HRC), and she even has a rainbow fish (gay christian) sticker on her car which she has even had slurs and discriminatory comments from people thinking she's gay. Man, i'm so proud of Becky! Plus, I even had the honor of being a groomsman in her wedding last weekend in Florida. Soooo much fun, by the way!

I've been proud of my friend "Angel", a blogger mom friend who I connected with two years ago. She and her family live in Florida and I got to reconnect with her and her husband over lunch while I was there for Becky's wedding. Angel is another ally and friend of the Family. I was super excited to hear about her daughter who is totally advocating for GLBT folks to her classmates. She rocks! I'm proud to know Angel and her husband as a couple raising their kids to love people with dignity and respect.

I've been proud of Barack Obama and Joe Biden who despite their position against gay marriage (you know, politics), they are still very much in favor of civil rights for the GLBT community. Joe Biden was on the Ellen show and stated that he and Barack OPPOSE Prop 8 and other similar national attempts to limit marriage and rights. (Watch the short video clip here).

I've also been proud of many of my friends who are getting involved in the process - anywhere from attending No on 8 events, to wearing buttons, to phone banking, to volunteering in various ways.

And at the same time, I've been highly disappointed in pastor Rick Warren from Saddleback Church who posted a video pretty much claiming that real Christians would support Prop 8 (and should vote Yes) arguing that (according to him) only 2% of the population is gay or lesbian. Perhaps in his small tight-fitting box (that barely even God can fit in) there are only 2% of the people in "his world" that are gay or lesbian but our nation is supposed to defend the rights of the minority, not take away rights because they are insignificant in numbers or because they have differing views. Everyone counts. Rick Warren may refuse to grant people like me dignity, but the Lord has already granted me dignity and the California Supreme Court has as well. In my opinion, what Rick Warren said was unChristian and unAmerican.

I know that this is a divisive issue in our country. But we have before us the history books being written right before our eyes. California can be the first state in the union to vote down an attempt to amend their constitution in order to justify and legalize discrimination of gays and lesbians. Our Supreme Court says that it's wrong to designate a separate class of people and to treat them differently. Domestic partnership is not marriage and "separate but equal" is unconstitutional. It's wrong to do it to blacks. It's wrong to do it to women. And it's wrong to do it to gays and lesbians.

Let's keep moving forward by preserving our rights, not taking them away. After all, we all deserve to live "with liberty and justice for all."

Stories That Change The World

I feel pregnant. I'm bursting at the seams and I'm ready to give birth - again. I say 'again' because this isn't the first time. When you've got a vision and you're seeing it become a reality, you can't help but feel like it's your baby. And once it's born, you just want to see it grow up. In a month's time, we'll be relaunching my second baby, an organization born-again from it's initial coming out two years ago, with new vision, direction, and look - Catalyst Community.

I think part of our journey of reconciling our faith and sexuality is finding our voice. Because part of living in the tension of colliding worlds is the frustration of feeling silenced. At some point there comes a time to tell our story. I'm not saying it has to be completely public where you start a blog *ahem* or Web site or you write a book or you record your story on YouTube. Some times, it's just telling your story to a trusted friend or a family member - a loved one. But ultimately, the journey leads to becoming known because no one really knew us when we were in the closet. The journey leads to authenticity - of who we are, of who we are to God.

If we are so willing, God can use our authenticity for the sake of His Kingdom and the broader community - people He loves dearly. Sometimes I feel like my journey started off self-focussed. I was always working on "me". But now that I know that God loves me, I realize that it's not about "me". Working on "me" was necessary so that I could get to a point of realizing that it's more about God and others. And for me, that takes the form of a vision for a community sensitive to authenticity and empathy. You'll hear more about the new Catalyst in later posts.

There are people like us who will hear our story and be changed themselves. If enough of us tell our story, I believe the community can be changed . . . .

I think of friends like Peterson Toscano who retired his play "Doin' Time in the Homo Nomo Halfway House" where he creatively shares his experiences in reparative therapy and ex-gay programs and is now pioneering efforts to help others tell their stories through one of his babies Beyond Ex-Gay. "Doin' Time" is now available on DVD (which I've already purchased, go buy it!). Peterson now performs a number of other plays that help educate and inspire diverse audiences.

I think of friends like Justin Lee who came to reconcile his faith and sexuality, then started a Web site called Justin's World to help others who were wrestling with being gay and Christian. He eventually started Gay Christian Network and now has well over 8,000 members nurturing people on their own personal journeys, people growing a vibrant faith, and connecting with churches throughout communities all around the world.

I also think of friends like Andrew Marin who courageously confronted his own prejudices against gay people, moved to Boys Town in Chicago with his new wife, immersed himself in gay culture, and learned to love beyond the "issue". Andrew reconciled his journey of being a straight evangelical who also has friends and loved ones who are gay. Andrew started The Marin Foundation to help build bridges between the mainstream faith communities and the GLBT communities. He's now writing a book that will help catalyze the conversation within the Church.

I think of my mother who finally told her sister that she has a gay son. Remember in this previous post when I asked my mom to tell my aunt? She did it. She came out as a parent of a gay son. I was on the phone with my mom yesterday because she wants me to buy a house and she ended our phone conversation with 'I love you'. That was HUGE to me because that was the first time EVER that she had initiated that statement to me. I never doubted that she loves me. But that was the first time she said it first. I spoke with her today and she told me that she did tell my aunt that I'm gay. My aunt is okay with it. And my mom is okay with her knowing. [On a side note: my mom told me that one of my uncles (her cousin) was gay-bashed and murdered two years ago when he was visiting the Philippines. Omg. My mom also happened to be visiting in a different city and was informed of his death. She was able to attend the funeral. My mom and aunt knew that their cousin was gay. He just stayed in the closet and married a woman. He died not knowing that my mom and aunt already knew and that if he would have came out to them, they would have accepted him.] It's not like my mom is going to start some organization or start a chapter of PFLAG. She doesn't have to. But she's telling her story and it's changing our family.

I also think of the many many bloggers out there who are telling their stories. For the third year in a row, numerous people will be "Blogging for LGBT Families".

I believe that stories transcend dogma and stereotypes. Stories make an issue personal. Stories catalyze relationships that eventually change the world.

In a previous post, I mentioned that my approach is to being a catalyst over being an activist. My friend and TWC reader Steve asked in a comment what the difference is between the two. In a nutshell, I'd say that (in my own personal view) a catalyst initiates and inspires others towards a direction or cause. The catalyst sparks movement while eventually handing over the microphone (or keyboard) to those who accept ownership. An activist champions the cause and sees it to fulfillment. I'd say that sometimes a catalyst becomes an activist or even that some activists act catalytically, but in a world changing movement I tend to think that we need both.

One of my favorite books is "The Starfish and the Spider" by Ori Brafman and Rod A. Beckstrom. The book resonated with me because it affirmed my own approach towards community development and my preferences for organizational structure by giving terminology and vocabulary that described my unconventional style. The book talks about how decentralized organizations are like an unstoppable movement - giving the power to the people to shape and define and facilitate and enforce their cause. A starfish is an organism that replicates when parts are severed. A spider is an organism that struggles when legs are severed and dies when the head is cut off.

Starfish entities like peer-to-peer networks and music/file-sharing swappers, users of Craigslist and MySpace and Facebook, the collaboration of Apache engineers, the Native American Apache nation, the contributors of Wikipedia, Alcoholics Anonymous, and even al-qaeda are all difficult to contain because there is no specific head. Sub-communities function independently and taking one group out only inspires the creation of two new groups to replace what was lost.

Spider entities like traditional corporations, religious institutions, and governments are massive but instituting change within can be slow. Removing the head can cause confusion (just ask the chicken) and ultimately results in a fall unless the head is replaced.

The book contends that a Spider is ultimately no match for a Starfish unless the Spider becomes more of a hybrid - takes on Starfish-like qualities. In order to take out a cell, you need to attack with a cell. On the other hand, if you want to catalyze change within the State or the Church - then you've got to do it from the ground up and start a movement among the people. You can't stop people from telling their own personal stories.

The book also describes key elements to a Starfish - five legs:

Leg 1: Circles - smaller units of people that are independent and autonomous.
Leg 2: Catalyst - the visionary, the vision holder, the one who inspires.
Leg 3: Ideology - common vision or beliefs or values
Leg 4: The Preexisting Network - various conglomerations of connecting circles
Leg 5: The Champion - the relentless promoter

All five legs working together can lead to world changing movements like the fights for Civil Rights and Womens' Suffrage and Marriage Equality.

I can go on and on about this stuff! I've even led a workshop called "Catalyzing Tangible Community in Your Local Area" using many of these concepts. If you want to continue a dialogue on this, please definitely contact me! (See top left column)

[Another side note: I was honored to have been given an advance copy of Ori Brafman's newest book (co-authored with his brother Rom Brafman), "SWAY: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior", now available today! I've already started reading it and it's awesome! You'll probably see me write more about it as I'll no doubt be processing much of the things they write about.]

So anyway, back on topic - these are the kinds of approaches I take in being a lifestyle catalyst to hopefully inspire change and growth and progress in my various communities, groups and social circles. These are also my approaches towards developing the new Catalyst as a somewhat hybrid organization - a community that is shaped by its members. Stay tuned!

Catalyst is just my way of telling my story and encouraging others to tell theirs. Find a way to tell your story to help others. As we all find ways of telling our stories, whether publicly and loudly or privately individually, we are all being catalytic. Our stories reshape people's view of who we are because they finally have an opportunity to see who we really are. When we are silent and hidden, people have no other frame of reference except for the voices of those talking about us. If I don't tell my own authentic story, then someone else will tell it and fill in their own blanks. I (almost) can't blame someone for attaching a stereotype or assumptions to their view of who I am.

We need to find ways of living authentically so that our accurate stories can be told. Then people can begin to empathize and relate with us as fellow members of the community.

We're Better Off Without You

Last week, the California Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality. “Separate but equal” is not constitutional. Yesterday, according to an article from the Associated Press, a federal appeals court took another step forward ruling that the military can’t automatically discharge people because they are gay.

It wasn’t a ruling against the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy requiring the discharge of service men and women who acknowledge being gay or engage in homosexual activity. However, the court placed the burden on the military saying that they must prove that the “dismissal furthers the military’s goals of troop readiness and unit cohesion”. The article added that military officials “need to prove that having this particular gay person in the unit really hurts morale, and the only way to improve morale is to discharge this person.” It sounds to me that this will require justification for every application of the policy.

Yes, because this person is gay and in our presence, none of us can do our jobs. None of us are safe!

Um yeah, prove that. We’ll see how long that will last before someone up there figures out that this policy doesn’t make sense, is unjust, and/or these court cases challenging dismissals due to the policy are costing a lot of money. It’s been suggested in the article that because of this court ruling, the days of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” are numbered.

Read the article here: "Federal Court Rules Against Military Gays Policy"

It's interesting how sometimes we'll sacrifice truly valuable members of our family, organization, community, or society for the sake of other people's discomfort. We'll be willing to release them from communion in order to preserve The Communion. I don't think injustice to preserve justice makes any sense to me . . . .

I'm not simply talking about asking a disruptive voice to leave the room. I'm talking about ejecting someone from fellowship or service for the sake of morale citing race, gender, or orientation as the cause for diminishing morale.

In 1995-ish, I was part of a co-ed fraternity. I joined this fraternity with a close friend of mine. Actually, she was an ex-girlfriend from high school. At the time we had realized that “it wasn’t working” and our break up led to the development of a pretty strong friendship. So when we got to college joining the co-ed frat was something we could do together. We learned about fraternal bonds of friendship and we got to participate in community service and we got to exhibit leadership and we were both viewed as assets to our fraternal community. Then she began a personal journey of her own and started dating a female to male transgendered person “in transition” (taking hormones and had plans for surgery).

This whole thing was new to everyone and the reaction and responses weren’t something to be proud about. I liked the person my friend started dating. I had never met someone like “him” before and I learned a ton. We became friends and it was my first exposure to the GLBT world. My friend had never experienced those feelings before and at the time she viewed it as a heterosexual relationship, albeit different and unconventional. Our fraternity brothers and sisters had never experienced this before and so the conversation during the official business meeting was about what to do about our “lesbian” sister. Emotions got pretty heated and people took divided stances on this “issue.” But since I was in the closet and Side X, I stayed silent. Neutral.

But I should have spoken up for my friend regardless of the position I took on the issue for myself. I can choose to be Side X for myself but that doesn’t mean my friend should be denied the right to make her own choices or that she should be disrespected for the choices she made. Being in the closet, I was pretty confused about the situation. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself or the dark secret that I held – especially after seeing which of my fraternity brothers and sisters would not have been supportive. It hit way too close to home for me and I needed to stay invisible.

My silence wasn’t my neutrality. By not speaking up in defense of my friend and fraternity sister, I catered to my own discomfort and I catered to the discomfort of my fraternity brothers and sisters. We were having a discussion that shouldn’t have taken place in the first place – that is, to consider disowning someone from our fraternal family because some were uncomfortable about whom she chose to date.

Who cares if they felt uncomfortable? What about her discomfort with being judged? Why was she dismissed so easily for the sake of the majority?

I can see that my journey didn’t begin in 2005 when I chose to try reconciling my faith and sexuality. I was on my journey, even back then 10 years prior, when I was seeing firsthand the injustice towards the marginalized. I’m ashamed that I participated in it.

The sad part to our journeys and stories that I wish the mainstream would begin to empathize with is that many of us have little options but to live a life in the closet, in secret and in hiding out of fear of being rejected only to be proven right when we’re released, dismissed or discharged from communion or service when the news is “out”.

What we hear is: “We’re better off without you.”

Tear.

Proposals and Conversations and Rulings, Oh My!

I was speaking to my mom this past Sunday (Mother's Day) about getting married (some day). Like she often does, she talked about me finding a good filipino woman. I proceeded to tell my mom very casually, as I often do (in recent years), "Mama, I'm not going to marry a woman. I'm going to marry a man."

The conversation typically cycles through whether or not I'm sure and the fact that I can "arrange" to marry a woman from the Philippines (as if I couldn't find and marry a woman on my own! jeesh! =P ). But this time I told her that I don't want to do that because I want to be happy. I'm not going to be happy marrying a woman and besides the fact that it's not fair for her. Plus, I don't want to bring someone else into "our family" who I don't even care about (referring to some random filipino gal). I told her that the person I bring into "our family" is going to be someone I love and care about. It's going to mean something when he's part of "our family".

Then to seal the deal, I told her, "Well, when did you find out that Papa was gay? Wouldn't you have wanted to know? I don't want to do that. I want to be happy."

She couldn't argue with that. In fact, she seemed to receive it in a way that was a bit different - as if she was shifting from the denial and accepting the truth about her son . . . .

I told my mom and the rest of my siblings in November 2001 that I was struggling with same-sex attractions then on Christmas 2005 that I was no longer "struggling" and that I've found peace with God regarding me being gay. Since then my mom has been in the closet (we switched) about having a gay son, saying that she didn't want her sister (my aunt) to know about me.

During the conversation this past Sunday with my mom, I concluded with asking her to tell my aunt. The family had gathered at my aunt's place and so less than an hour upon my arrival I was bombarded with the usual interrogation from my aunt. You know, the "Sooooooo, when are you going to get married?" *insert high pitched inflection at the end with a filipino accent*

So I told my mom, "you've gotta tell her." I took the opportunity to tell my mom that I just want to be real and myself when I'm with the family. Plus I want her to be able to think of me - the normal and gay, sweet and good nephew that she loves - when she thinks of gay people. If she doesn't know, then she'll continue believing her stereotypes.

I hope my mom tells her sister about me. That would be a step forward for her. She said she would later in the day after I left. I'm proud of her though. She's been through a lot. Remember "my parent's before the divorce"?

I know that I'm very fortunate to have a family so loving and accepting of me. I'm proud of them!

I've also been proud of my city - Long Beach, CA - this place in which I live. Last September, in "One Man's Change of Heart" I made reference to how my own city council unanimously passed a resolution in support of marriage equality. It was amazing at the time because there had been two or three previous failed attempts to pass such a resolution in the city council. Here we are a city with an estimated 80,000 GLBT residents (according to census) , 20% of our city population, and it was still controversial. But then something shifted and the council at the time passed it unanimously. They took a step forward.

And now today, I'm sure you've heard the news and the buzz - the California Supreme Court ruled that it is unconstitutional to deny same sex couples the right - the freedom - to marry.

Article from CNN
Article from LA Times

CNN Report (video)
San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome Speech (video)
Mayor Newsome Interview (video)

The pursuit for marriage equality isn't over as I'm sure opposing forces are mobilizing for a State Constitutional Amendment banning same sex marriage on the November ballot. Who knows how this drama will continue to unfold. My prayer is that justice will prevail.

It's not about politics for me. It's about justice. I'm not about to get die-hard political activist-y right now (since my approach is to be a catalyst over being an activist) but it just seems clear to me that we ought to support an individual's rights as a fellow citizen - not deny certain rights because of the kind of citizen they are. I know people have varying views about civil unions and domestic partnerships and stuff and how those have "some or most" of the civil rights, obligations, and responsibilities as marriages do, but "marriage-like" rights aren't the same as having the same rights of marriage.

Didn't some other high court in U.S. history rule regarding another hot topic at the time that "separate but equal" was unconstitutional?

I'm just saying.

Our civilization continues to take steps forward. I take steps forward. My mom takes steps forward. My family takes steps forward. My community and my city takes steps forward. My state is and is trying to take steps forward.

But at the end of the day, whether or not certain types of relationships should be deemed legal and allowable or not, I think we ought to focus on the fact that these are people who are in relationships and want to honor them. Whether gay or straight, our community needs healthy relationships. Those who are currently in long-term committed relationships set an example for those of us who barely know how to stay in a relationship (much less get into one!).

I have no doubt that one day I will have the right to marry. So how do I stay married?

Hiding Behind An Alias

I decided to take another step out of hiding. It took nearly a week but it was finally approved. It had been years since I first started using the alias. I was discovering the Internet and began to present myself with the name. Funny thing about the Web . . . . it's easy to be anonymous and even easier to wear a mask. It's a two-dimensional thing, this computer screen and peripherals - and as connected as people can be online, each individual can choose just how connected they want to be. Or rather, you can choose just how much you want people to connect with you.

So after years of keeping the alias "Johnson" for a last name, I decided last week to update my name on Facebook. I am now . . . . Eric Leocadio. Yes, that's me. No, the alias isn't referencing a body part. Why I chose to adopt that last name is another story for another time . . . perhaps over a drink if someone really wants to know. =P

However, keeping the alias began more for anonymity. I could be a different person . . . .

It's not that I had shady intentions, just that it kept me at a safe distance. It was safe not being known. Being in the closet, that's what I wanted. However, prolonged time in the closet takes its toll. Eventually, that safe place of anonymity became a hiding place. The closet was a place where no one could find me. I didn't want to be found. When I lived dualistically, I could craft exactly how I wanted people to see me - the straight over-achieving more mature for his age charming sensitive smart faithful godly guy. Since my world was immersed in church culture, it wasn't safe for me to sort out what it meant to be gay. Ironically and sadly, the church wasn't a refuge for me. In fact, in many ways it was an emotionally painful environment. In my opinion, we ought to be able to be safe to understand our sexuality with our spiritual community, trusted friends and mentors. Not having that safe place, both the closet and the Internet were my escape. Porn was an outlet.

As God continued to guide my journey, He proved to be the safest place for me (despite the church culture). With my Lord, I could be myself because I knew He already knew everything about me. And the more we grew in this interactive relationship with each other, the more I learn what it means to be a gay man. I'm not learning this from the gay community and I am most definitely not learning this from the church community nor am I learning it from the Internet and many of its unhealthy outlets.

I have been learning what it means to be a gay man from the Lord. *dodges the stones being hurled because of such blasphemy*

What I mean is that the Lord is teaching me what unconditional love looks like. I know He already knows me completely. And yet His love is offered, accepted, and experienced despite the things about me that both He and I know. And so, being given the freedom to not only approach the Lord authentically but also to remain in His presence authentically, I am allowed to begin a process of loving myself the way that my Lord does. Yeah, I know I don't always do that. But this interactive relationship with the Lord keeps reminding me of that ongoing lesson.

So what does it mean for me to be gay, Lord?

Here's the thing . . . . as a gay man, it's not about sex and it's not about men and it's not about sexuality and it's not about gender. For me, the Lord has granted me a lens for which to see the world that He loves. As a gay man, I understand prejudice. I understand insecurity. I understand vanity. I understand suffering. I understand being misunderstood. I understand the desire to give up and attempt death prematurely. I understand the need for intimacy in a broader culture that defines it by gender or holiness or unholiness. I understand the gray areas. I understand the hot zone.

It is because I am a gay man that I can empathize. But the catalyst for my empathy for others is my own authenticity. Because as long as I remain in the closet, in one way or another, whether online with an alias or at work or in church or among family and friends, I remain detached, disconnected, separated and unknown - unable to fully love others in the context of their journey, struggle and experiences because, being in the closet, I was unable to fully love myself in the context of my journey - being gay, being non-white, being un-super-modelish. Who could love the real me? Not me. And so I hid. My loved ones were denied the opportunity to really empathize because I wasn't even presenting the real me. So what was there to empathize with?

As I often say, coming out isn't about expressing myself as gay but rather expressing myself as Eric. Eric Leocadio. Because as I learn to love me the way He loves me, with all of my imperfections and HUGE mistakes of the past (present and future too) and forgiving myself the way He has already forgiven me, He shows me how to love past what we see or judge from the surface. He shows me how to experience empathy for others through my own authenticity. He shows me how to love.

The blessing of being gay, authentically, is the lens in which I have to see the world.

This doesn't mean I have 20/20 vision. Since I tread the path of my journey for the rest of my life, I am learning still how not to hide. I hid for so many years - it's a familiar habit, one that can be a default mode when my "issues" resurface.

But when I am hiding from Him, the mirror, the world, that's when the Lord approaches me, when He comes and finds me. And as I allow Him to love me as I am, He prompts me to come out, step into the light, so that I may be exposed and loved.

The Ex-Gay Program

This is the second video segment of my four part Survivor series telling my story of growing up gay, becoming Christian, struggling with same sex attractions, and reconciling the conflict between my faith and my sexuality. Daniel Gonzales of Box Turtle Bulletin (and in partnership with Beyond Ex-Gay) recorded, created and edited the video (creative commons license).

To supplement this video, also read my "Ex-Gay Survivor Story".

Have you missed previous segments? Be sure to check out:

Part 1: Suicide and the Porcelain Punisher.
Part 3: Isolation and Exclusion.
Part 4: Side X Culture.

And now watch, Part 2: The Ex-Gay Program:

Suicide and The Porcelain Punisher

This is the first video segment of my four part Survivor series telling my story of growing up gay, becoming Christian, struggling with same sex attractions, and reconciling the conflict between my faith and my sexuality. Daniel Gonzales of Box Turtle Bulletin (and in partnership with Beyond Ex-Gay) recorded, created and edited the video (creative commons license).

To supplement this video, you can also read "Sankofa (Part 1)".

Here are the other segments of the video series:

Part 2: The Ex-Gay Program.
Part 3: Isolation and Exclusion.
Part 4: Side X Culture.

And now watch, Part 1: Suicide and The Porcelain Punisher:

One Man's Change of Heart

How does a person - a politician - a Republican - a "traditional family values" man - who advocated strongly against gay marriage - get to the point of changing his stance on such a controversial issue?

It's when he realizes that the people in his life of whom he loves - are gay. It's when the issue no longer is black and white. It's when he's forced to live in the gray because denying the rights of "those people" means also denying the rights of his own family and friends.

Last week, San Diego mayor, Jerry Sanders, showed that he had a change of heart regarding the issue of marriage equality:

Pressconfsm (Thanks to JJ for the video lead!)

Four years ago, his daughter told him that she was in a committed relationship with a woman. Two years ago, as he campaigned for mayor, he held a position against gay marriage. He thought that civil unions were a sufficient "alternative". He pledged to veto any support of gay marriage . . . .

Now, as mayor he announced that he has had a change of heart and supports equal protection and recognition of same-sex relationships under the law. He has decided not to veto the San Diego City Council's (5-3) decision for a resolution in support of marriage equality for LGBT Americans. San Diego, with its 62,000 gay households, joins cities like Long Beach, Los Angeles, San Jose, Santa Cruz, and Oakland in such a resolution.

I was proud to be a citizen and resident of Long Beach last year when our own city council voted unanimously (with the support of our mayor) for a resolution supporting marriage equality. Theirs went a step further by urging state and federal legislatures to pass law protecting our rights. According to the federal census in 2000, Long Beach has approximately 80,000 gay or lesbian residents. That's about 20% of our city's population.

Here's a copy of the City of Long Beach's Resolution on Marriage Equality (pdf)

The fight for marriage equality continues because it's state law that needs to be changed in order to have full legal recognition. But we're one step closer as cities continue to step up and take a stand for justice. I've never felt like my role was to be a political activist for this cause. I do believe that organizations like Equality California are needed for such advocacy. I believe my role to be that of a relational catalyst - encouraging people to be authentic through relationships because that's when the issue becomes more real for people when it does come time to vote.

Change can happen when both activists and catalysts continue to do their work. Activists bring the issue to the forefront of society's attention. They herald for systemic change. Catalysts bring the issue to the forefront of our relationships. We herald for community change.

Sometimes it's difficult, and even discouraging, dealing with stubborn people who seem so set in their ways. It's good to see that relationships actually do make a difference in changing hearts, minds and eventually the law.

Road Trip Destination: Chicago, Illinois

Oh, I know! Finally, the long-awaited (by me) final blog post on the road trip has now arrived. LOL, almost two weeks after it happened. What can I say? I've had some readjusting to do after being back from vacation. Plus i've had some other blog-worthy thoughts and events since returning that may or may not make its way to a live post. We'll see. But this post here will be a long one (I warned you) because this part of the trip was full and it was fun! So bear with me if you've been following our journey and choose to read on. Plus be sure to check out the link to the full album of photos. =)

But here it was. The end of the road trip vacation!

Chicago was my favorite leg of the road trip. It was also the last destination before returning to Southern California. After Grand Rapids, Michael and I spent our Labor Day weekend hanging out in Chicago. It was fun because we got to do a little bit of everything.

We met up with a new friend and reconnected with another (both GCN'ers) for smoothies. We got to ride the "L" - Chicago's rapid transit system. We met some incredibly interesting yet random people. We had Chicago pizza. We saw some of Chicago's sites. We connected with other local GCN'ers. And we spent some time exploring how the Church could be reconciled with itself in regards to that ole' gay issue . . . .

As we entered Chicago, I could already tell that this was going to remind me of home. Well, at least, the part of home I try to avoid. I live in Long Beach which is roughly 30 miles south of Los Angeles. Without traffic, it could probably take 40-45 minutes to drive in to LA. However, with traffic, it'd take at least an hour or more to get to where we'd want to go. So I try to avoid LA if at all possible.

So when we first arrived in Chicago, we hit the Labor Day weekend traffic - all the people rushing home from work or rushing out of the city's madness.

Welcome to Chicago!

Nevertheless, it was quite exciting to be entering this city for the first time. It is so packed and condensed. We drove through Chicago's ghetto areas. We drove along the beach and waterfront. We drove passed the skyscrapers. We drove in bumper to bumper traffic. But it was really interesting to see the diversity of people on first impression - varying ethnicities, varying cultures, varying economic status, varying fashion, and varying personalities in both the people and in the city's structures. Very cool!

We were meeting up with a GCN'er named Michael for the first time. This is gonna get confusing so i'll refer to my travel companion as Michael and i'll refer to our new friend as Michael M. That'll do, right? So this is Michael M. We were quite excited to meet each other! Hehe.

Michael M. hung out with us on Friday afternoon and evening, then also all day on Saturday. So over the course of these days, I was continually very impressed as I got to know him a bit more - his heart, passion, and personality in action.

The three of us first hung out at this Hookah cafe place for some tasty smoothies. Michael really seemed tempted to try the Hookah for the first time, but he took a rain check. I took the opportunity to talk with Michael M. a lot about his experience going through one of the Marin Foundation courses. Remember Greg from Michigan? Greg works with the Marin Foundation quite a bit. In fact, even Becky is good friends with Andrew Marin. In a nutshell, Andy is this straight guy who just has a huge heart for the GLBT community (much like Becky). Through the foundation, he works to build bridges between the gay community and the religious community. But its his approach that is very interesting and some of us in Long Beach are considering bringing him here to do some of his work. I'll talk more about this at the end of this post. Michael M. went through one of the courses offered by the foundation geared for gay people. I really wanted to get his feedback from going through it so that I could assess its potential usefulness here in Long Beach.

Michael got to share some of his story with Michael M., as well as discussing his journey of examining the Side A/Side B Debate (see left side column links). Michael M. teaches music at a university so he is quite familiar with academia. It was also interesting to hear about some of his passion for music. He's a composer! Check out his Web site here.

As the three of us hung out, Shawn was on his way to meet up with us. Shawn is a GCN'er who lives outside of Chicago. We met in Southern California, first at the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference at the end of June (I let him crash at my place for an evening after the conference), then a second time at the post-EC Conference GCN bonfire at the end of July.

After Shawn got off from work, he took the "L" to meet up with us and he had to use the restroom SOOOOO bad! It was funny because I told him we were going to the store to get him a box of Depend. It took him a while to find the cafe that we were at so when he finally found us, he post-poned the standard hugs and greetings and went straight for the restroom with us holding the door for him and waving him in the right direction so that he could find his relief.

Shawn's a character and he had me cracking up several times. He also hosted us the entire weekend. Not only did he let us stay at his place through the weekend (thanks Shawn!), he also hung out with us the whole time. It was fun getting to know Shawn's personality too (as well as his history).

We were starting to get hungry for dinner so we decided to make our way downtown for our first Chicago pizza (yes, for the Pizza Wars). It was my first time riding the "L"! Wow, I was in Chicago riding the elevated transit train passing by Wrigley Field. Sigh. While on the train, we had an absolutely fun time talking with these random strangers. Actually, it'd be more accurate to say that they were talking with us.

It was sooo fun! Michael and Shawn were sitting on one bench to my left (see picture above). Michael M. was sitting on the bench in front of me (pictured here on the right). The "L" made a stop and picked up a lot more passengers and along came this rather interesting couple. The woman sat next to Michael M. while the man sat right next to me. Almost immediately, the two of them began to engage us in conversation.

"Do you like my tattoo? Is it cool? Does it make me look hard? Do you like it? Awww, you don't like it! Does it look gay? Does it make me look faggy? It's cool, huh? Huh?"

The man was so overbearing with the almost immediate and random barrage of personal questions and comments but he did so with such charisma and friendliness that I totally thought it was all fun. So I engaged him back. I found out that the two of them had previously been divorced (not with each other). They met three years ago and have been committed to having fun and living life. They have two lists of things they want to do and experience. One list is a "good" list - the one you can tell the family about. The second list is their "bad" list - the crazy fetish type stuff. The funny thing was that he was sharing details about the kinds of things that were on their list and the things they've done and crossed off the list. It was so hilarious and fun because he showed absolutely no boundaries with me but was super friendly. He sat really close to me, shoulder to shoulder, and told me about their journey and asked me about mine. He wanted to know about the road trip and the places I've been and seen. He'd oscillate back and forth between telling me stuff on their lists to asking me about me then inquiring about whether or not I thought his girlfriend was hot.

The funny thing is that she was having a similarly humorous conversation with Michael M. "What do you think about my nipple ring?"

The whole experience was hilarious! And it was a fun random encounter with Chicago natives.

We finally got to downtown Chicago and we were surrounded by the towering skyscrapers above us as we walked along the sidewalks with the herds of people. We were all starving and we searched with minimal success for pizza places to eat that didn't have a hugely long wait. We settled on Pizzeria Due that had a 45 minute wait time. I'll comment on the pizza during our Pizza Wars post. However, it took absolutely forever to get our food! It's like all of Chicago goes out for pizza every night.

The rest of the evening after dinner was pretty uneventful since we knew that Saturday would be a full day. We took the "L" back to where our cars were, we parted ways with Michael M. who would join us for breakfast, then Michael, Shawn, and I drove out of the city to Shawn's place. By then, we were pretty tired.

Before the trip, I got in touch with a Two World Collision reader and fellow blogger ("A Journey of Reconciliation") - Michael R. Yeah, another Michael. Michael R. impressed me when he first made contact with me a few months ago. He recounted his own experiences and shared with me how many aspects of both our stories paralleled each other. Since he lives in "Boystown" - an area in Chicago largely populated by GLBT people, he agreed to show us around his neighborhood.

We all met for breakfast first at Ann Sather. I guess they are known for their huge cinnamon rolls that accompany every breakfast order. Soooooo good!

After breakfast he gave us lil' tour around Boystown as I asked numerous questions about the GLBT culture there. The bars and clubs and businesses are only one way of seeing the GLBT community in a city. In any city, I'm concerned with how people relate with one another. Do the G's, L's, B's, and T's get along? Do they interact well? How well do people of varying generations connect? Ethnicities? What kind of leadership does the community have? Can people meet new friends outside of the context of the bar or club?

It was interesting to see that while it does look like a cohesive community - as compared to others I've seen in West Hollywood, Long Beach, Palm Springs, Louisville, St. Louis, Grand Rapids - Boystown has much the same issues as every city i've been to when it comes to a need for a healthy relational understanding of one another as gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered individuals. That's been my theory - that fragmentation happens within the GLBT community (as well as in any community) because the sub-communities don't understand one another. When people don't understand one another, they tend to lack compassion for one another which leads to isolation or social fragmentation. One of my goals with Catalyst is to help catalyze a sense of compassion and interest in venturing into relationships outside of their comfort zone for the sake of building tangible community. What does this look like? That's what i'm exploring. And that's why i'd like to see if it already exists somewhere out there. This is something that I lack in my own life and i'd like to be more intentional about developing these kinds of relationships.

We had a great time walking up and down some of the streets of Boystown. We checked out some of the shops and stopped for ice cream. We even met up randomly with Tahir. He was walking up the sidewalk and Michael M. and Shawn both knew him and were surprised to see him so they started chatting. "Hey! It's good to see you! How's it going? Funny running into you here!"

I was just joking around and pretended like I knew him too. "Hey! It's good to see you! How's it going? Funny running into you here!"

Then Tahir says, "Actually, yeah, I know you. Author of Two World Collision dot blogspot dot com. Yeah, i know who you are."

I was shocked. Michael and I both looked at each other, "What the - ".

He introduced himself and I recognized his name. He had been reading this blog too and we started corresponding for awhile through email a couple times last year and this year. I didn't know what he looked like. I thought it was so funny because I was totally joking about knowing him. What are the odds that I'd actually know him? Talk about another random moment in Chicago!

Anyway, it was really good to meet Tahir.

We parted with Michael R. (for the afternoon only) and decided to see some Chicago sites so Michael, Shawn, Michael M. and I all went to see the Sears Tower. Apparently, it was the tallest building in the world for a time. Now I think it's 3rd or 4th tallest. It was interesting to visit because it's a business building in downtown Chicago that just happens to be super tall but it's also set up like an amusement park attraction.

There were the windy lines. There was a gift shop. There was a station where people can have nicely done photos taken. There were ticket booths. Then there was the elevator that led to the top of the Sears Tower. Before heading up, they crammed a large batch of people into a room that played a movie educating people about the history of the Sears Tower. Actually, this was smart of them because it had us appreciate it as more than just a really really tall building with a great view.

It was a great one, by the way. The view was awesome! From up top, there's a viewing room that let's you see Chicago from an amazing perspective. There were also maps of the city that showed you what buildings and sites you were looking at. It reminded me of St. Louis' arch.

Along the walls away from the windows, they displayed pictures of historical and notable Chicago people. It was an interesting presentation of honoring those who have contributed to shaping the city.

After leaving the Sears Tower, we ended up talking with a group of Mennonites outside the building. They had been there all weekend singing and witnessing and passing out literature. Most people would have passed by them without giving them a second thought or they would have engaged them in debate in regards to the right of gays to be acknowledged in the Church. But Michael M. really impressed me in the way that he spoke with one of them and genuinely tried to get to know him better. The result was that he was able to get to know Michael M. better. As the whole conversation unfolded between the two of them, Shawn, Michael and I just watched while Michael M. established authentic friendliness. He allowed this young 18 year old kid the opportunity to share his faith and story. That's what he was out there to do. Eventually, the kid discovered that we were gay Christians and we could tell that it made him pause. "Oh. Oh. Oh! You're . . . gay . . . Christians. Interesting. Um. All . . . of . . . you? Interesting. Okay. I . . . didn't . . . know."

I could actually see the wheels turning in his brain and learning that we were "gay Christians" almost short circuited him. But Michael M.'s approach and presence was so friendly and so disarming that the kid continued on with talking about God's love for all people and his own story. Seriously. I was absolutely impressed with Michael M. It was inspiring because he set an example of how we could shatter stereotypes by simply being willing to be authentic without overly emphasizing needlessly the fact that we're gay. During the conversation, two other Mennonites came over to hover as if to protect the kid. But as they stood by and watched their dialogue, I saw them gradually change their demeanor from "who are these guys and why are they talking to our guy" to a completely humble demeanor of "who are these brothers of ours". It was very interesting to see it all unfold. Eventually, Michael M. began talking with the other two Mennonites while the rest of us continued talking with the kid.

Anyway, this was another fun random encounter with strangers in Chicago and I was impressed by the leadership that Michael M. showed.

As we moved on from the Sears Tower, we wanted to go check out Millennium Park. There are some cool exhibits on display that attracts the crowds.

We took some time to get there though because it took us forever to find parking! That's something I noticed about Chicago. There is very little parking and for the ones that are available, you've gotta pay an arm and a leg for it. Granted, it was Labor Day weekend, but still. A friend of mine in Manhattan was telling me about how people need a mortgage broker in New York to help them find and secure a very small apartment - much less a condo or home. Here in Chicago, you've gotta get a mortgage broker to help you find and secure a parking spot! It's craziness!

Well when we finally got to Millennium Park, it was fun! We saw a fountain to take a photo in front of and we ended up having yet another random encounter with strangers.

Pictured here to the right is a trio of Children's Theatre performers. (LOL, every time I look at this photo I actually laugh out loud because of cutie Drew in the middle who poses like a dinosaur!) They are an acting troupe that travels around to do what they love. We started talking because both our groups wanted a group photo taken so we each happily snapped a shot of the other. We struck up a conversation with them and they turned out to be super fun people.

I shared with one gal for the majority of the time about our road trip and about how we are a part of a Gay Christian Network. She was incredibly compassionate about the way that gay believers are often displaced from their churches because of the issue. She comes from a religious fundamentalist background and so she's familiar with how hard it can be for people like us. Being in theatre, she's had many gay friends that have shared with her about how hard it's been for them. So she thought GCN was a great thing to be a part of and was glad that we're networking together to support and encourage one another. I wish and pray that more and more people within the mainstream Church would be like this gal - compassionate before judging. I sensed her genuine sincerity. It was fun sharing hearts about things we're both passionate about in the community.

One of my goals for the Chicago trip was to see the "Bean". I don't know if that's what it's actually called - but it looks like one. Several months ago, a friend of mine posted pics on Facebook from his Chicago trip and I was intrigued at seeing this bean looking structure. At the time, I had no idea that i'd be going on this trip but I knew that one day, i'd like to see and touch it for myself.

So the exciting thing for me is actually doing it! For a long time, i've always dreamed about experiencing things (like travel) but I never actually did it. So I feel like I missed out on alot of years. I don't want to dream anymore. I want to experience more. My goal recently has been to be intentional about stuff like that. So here I am, like that hilariously odd couple that we met on the "L", and i've got my metaphorical list of things I want to do and I'm crossing them off the list! And now i'm the one posting photos of it on Facebook!

Ooh! I can imagine . . . . one day i'll be sharing photos with you on this blog about visits to Paris, London, and Sydney! I can't wait!!!

Hehe, sorry, got a bit excited for a minute there.

After seeing Millennium Park, it was time to meet up with the others for dinner. Yes, we went out for more Chicago pizza. Again, it took absolutely forever to get seated, then to get our food. Chicago really likes their pizza!

But it gave us an opportunity for all of us to hang out, reconnect, or meet for the first time. This was a fun dinner because besides Michael, Shawn, Michael M. and I, we were joined by Andy Marin, Michael R., Troy (another Chicago GCN'er), and Earl (a TWC reader that I met through Facebook and have kept in touch with). It was a fun mix! Michael R. and Earl are now on GCN too! =)

After dinner, Michael R. made special arrangements with a friend of his to get us into a show to see the Blue Man Group. I've gotta say that this was totally awesome of Michael R. to do for us. (Thank you soooooo much Michael!!!!!) He got the five of us in - Michael, Shawn, Michael M., Michael R. and myself.

It was one of the best shows that I've ever experienced. It engaged all of my senses - even taste because I kinda up-chucked during a part of the show. It was fun and funny. I'm not going to spoil it by divulging details of the show but it really was amazing. I went in not having any idea of what to expect and I left having had a blast. We even took pictures with one of the blue guys!

After the show, Michael R. took us a few blocks to see his apartment. He shared with us a little about his family and friends through photos and I really got the impression that he loves the people in his life and they love him. He is a wonderfully sincere and nice guy! Hehe, so maybe he does have an "interesting" hobby but it may take him out to SoCal soon so I'll get to hang out with him when it does! =)

It was a full and fun day for the four of us and this would be the last time we'd see Michael M. during our time in Chicago. So on the ride back to drop Michael M. off at his car, what do these four gay Christian boys do? LOL, we sang songs from Aladin (rather they did) and we sang worship songs.

Sunday was our last day in Chicago and we'd be flying out later that afternoon. As our final point of connection, we met back up with Andy Marin for lunch - yes, for pizza. Hehe, well, they all knew about our Pizza Wars and so some of the Chicagoans disagreed about where the best Chicago pizza was served. So Andy had to take us out to his favorite!

I planned this meeting because I wanted to be able to talk with Andy more about the foundation and to hear more of his heart for what he's trying to do within the gay and religious communities. He was open with me about his story, open about some of the not-so-positive press he had gotten from a "gay" DJ (who has since been discredited by certain national GLBT organizations), and also open about his goals in forming the foundation.

Since he's a straight man, many people are concerned about what it is that he's about. Some gay people are concerned that he's advocating change. Some straight evangelical conservative people are concerned that he's advocating for the "gay lifestyle" (gag that phrase). Some are concerned that he's either both or neither. But at the same time, many more people on both sides of the spectrum and in between are excited about his approach and what he's trying to do. I can see why some would find him hard to read because he approaches the "issue" differently than most.

Andy doesn't make it a gay or a straight issue. He elevates the conversation above the politics and talks about more important things - spiritual growth while trusting Jesus to communicate to an individual His heart and will through a growing relationship with Him. At the end of the day, that's what Andy is concerned about. Here in Long Beach, i'm working with others from various organizations who want to navigate the "Hot Zone" and create a healthy dialogue within the Church about the taboo subject of gays in their midst. Andy could very well navigate this because he doesn't speak the language of politics. He speaks the language of bridge building. I can relate to this because I take the same approach with Catalyst and everything else. I think the key for all of us is to start teaching this new language to both sides of the bridge so that we can begin to talk with each other in the middle of that bridge.

This is my second long sit down with Andy. Several months ago, he was in Southern California and I sat down with him over dinner. He was pretty consistent in his message and his heart. He's sincere and i'm looking forward to working with him more.

And then it was over. We got to the airport, returned the rental, boarded our plane (which was on-time!), and returned to the Los Angeles area. Michael caught a connecting flight home to Santa Barbara and my friend picked me up and took me home to Long Beach.

Click here to see all the fun Chicago pics in my Facebook album!

During my first two days being back, I had a really hard time adjusting. Much of the drama that went on before I left was never resolved. Work was a crazy pit of mess - still. Plus I was still a bit irked because of that other situation. So I left home feeling all of these things. The vacation was a great respite. But now I return home still having to deal with all those feelings. I felt crappy for all of last week and half of this week. But now i'm starting to feel better and I'm moving forward.

I met soooo many people during this road trip vacation. I lost count but I suppose I could always go through all the Facebook photos to count 'em all up. So can you! Be sure to check out all of my Facebook photo albums in the section in the right column.

But the funnest part of the whole vacation was doing it yet again with a good friend of mine. Michael. It was fun times and i'm looking forward to the next one!