Friday, July 15, 2005

Increased Grace

I try to start my day at work reading the Bible (its okay because i have the flexibility and freedom to do that here). In John 5 I read about that guy who Jesus healed on the Sabbath. He was previously lame and could not walk and so after Jesus healed him he was walking around with his mat (which you weren't supposed to do on the Sabbath). So anyway, the Pharisees kinda scolded him for carrying his mat - neglecting the fact that he had been healed. The guy who was healed didn't know at the time that it was Jesus who healed him. I'm skipping a bunch of details but one of the things that Jesus told the guy afterwards was that he should stop sinning before something worse happens to him.

I also read through Romans 5 that talked about how we have peace and joy through Jesus and that we have been reconciled to God. Because of Jesus, I am at peace with God. It goes on to explain how through God's grace, I receive eternal life. It says, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

I've had my times of consequences due to my sin - in fact, at times, i'm still living through the wake of my past sins. I'm thankful for the gradual but continual healing that I receive from Him. I'm thankful for the forgiveness He's given me. I'm very thankful that He's allowed me to move on with my life. These two passages remind me that there are consequences to my sins and that I am brought near to God - at peace with Him - because of and through Christ. I'd hate to screw up again but it's nice to know that if/when I do, then He won't give up on me. How does this relate to my sexuality though? Would I be abusing God's grace by engaging in a homosexual relationship? I know its debatable but I suppose the thing that needs clarity is - Is being a homosexual a sin or is it certain types of homosexual behavior that is a sin?

Sin seems to be a verb not a noun. If i'm gay and being gay is a sin - does that mean that I "am" a sin? Wouldn't it seem logical to say that I do sinful things? There seems to be that distinction that the Church doesn't reconcile for us completely. They say "love the sinner not the sin" but for many gay people - it sounds like the Church assumes that being gay is a sin that we choose every time. For me at least, it's not that simple. Begs the question once again - is my being gay biological or not? If that question can be reconciled, then maybe I can make sense of the whole sin issue.

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