Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Torn between the two

Okay, here's my first post. I've been processing through this stuff for a long time now. Here are some questions that I want to explore. These feelings, desires, and attractions that I have for other guys - is it something God gave me when He created me? I have to believe He knew what He was doing when He first thought me up and decided to say, "Yeah, I think I'll make him." Nature vs. Nurture. Whatever. I don't know. That's one thing i want to explore. As it is now, i believe its both. It's easy for a heterosexual to say that this is all unnatural but for me I feel it in the very fiber of my biology.

But i also believe that I was "born into sin" and that when i made the decision to accept Christ as my Savior, I chose to deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Him. I hold to the verse in 2Corinthians 5:15 that says, "And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again." I believe that He died for me - that's a no brainer. And i do want to live for Him. My question is: How does "living for Him" effect my "biology for Him"? Does denying myself mean denying my biology? Am I called to celibacy? If i am, what is God's intent for all Christians who experience homosexual desires? Would God really be calling an entire population of believers to celibacy? That's the thing I can't get around - even if i determine for myself that I will be celibate - is that the message for all homosexual would-be believers? Just some raw thoughts i'm processing - i'll post more later....

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