Sunday, September 25, 2005

Confession of Unrestraint

I'll have to admit that it's felt good to explore what it means to be both gay and Christian. It's been liberating to be able to verbally express my same sex attractions with a trusted friend. However, saying that I am both gay and Christian doesn't necessarily mean that I have been a consistently Christ-centered gay person. My confession is that there have been times that I've allowed myself to entertain lustful thoughts in my mind unrestrained while using the excuse of "being free" to be gay.

Now, to be clear, I am NOT suggesting that admitting that I'm gay (or at least that I have same sex attractions) is automatically equated with lustful thoughts. Desiring a committed, monogamous, and lifelong relationship is very much different from being fixated on sex - whether straight or gay. Lust is simply an inappropriate and broken expression of love.

For the past week or so, I have been chewing on Galatians 2:20 which says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." The pastor over at ODM happened to give a sermon out of that passage this morning. The timing was great for me since the Lord had been convicting my heart about these things already.

I have freely chosen to follow Christ. I continue to serve Him with my life. Being "crucified with Christ" involves having Christ as my center - not me, not my potential partner (or the idea of him), not my being gay, and not even this journey that I'm on. Jesus Himself is my center and my relationship with Him should continually be nurtured so that I am shaped by Him. It also means that I no longer claim the freedom to indulge in lustful thoughts. I don't think that this necessarily excludes wanting a monogamous and loving relationship - straight or gay. However, I do believe that me being Christ-centered should shape the context of my same sex attractions - rejecting lust and allowing myself to love properly. I pray that I will remember these things along this journey I'm on.

1 comment:

Eric said...

star-crossed life:

welcome to my blog. gosh, yeah it is so hard isn't it? know, though, that God does love us despite what some people in the Church may say. not all Christians believe the same thing about being gay. some say it's okay to be gay but in a loving, committed and monogamous relationship. others say it's okay to accept that we are gay but that we ought to be celibate. and yet others believe that it's not okay.

i encourage you to seek the Lord in prayer and Scripture on your own to discern this for yourself. connect with other gay christians who you can relate with via my blog here or through just remember that you are loved and lovable and most definitely accepted.

bless you!