A few days ago, I was reading a psalm that placed my entire focus for this journey of mine on Christ and I found it to be so refreshing. It's easy for me to look to people, resources, authors, and rationalizations to help me find resolution - about myself, about the "issue", about life. I will admit though that while I say I'm looking for "resolution", i do have peace in the midst of the journey and I do feel like i'm on solid ground even though i haven't made any firm conclusions about any position. Being on this journey isn't a wavering of my faith, but rather it's a strengthening of it.
"Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God..." Psalm 146:5
After reading the psalm, this verse echoed in my spirit. Everything I "am" relies on hope. Hope in Him. My Savior. The One who did for me what I could never do for myself. Where ever I'm at in my journey, my sexuality, my life - it's about Him and not me. My salvation and my pleasing God in my lifestyle relies on my hope in Him. It's not that I am escaping responsibility for my actions - but I have to remember that no matter what I do, whether pleasing to Him or not, Christ's work on the cross for me will always be what the Father sees when He looks upon me (and smiles). Whatever label I use or is placed on me - gay, straight, ex-gay, gay but celibate, Christ-centered homosexual, seeking, queer, fag, lost - I am acceptable to Him not because of what I or others call myself, but because I am His son and because of His Son.
He is my help, my hope, my Savior. That's the point.
Nathan has got an ex-gay blog called New Love in the Son and he posted on this very thing. While I (or others) may (or may not) agree with Nathan's stance on the issue, I do agree with his encouragement that our hope is in God and we should keep our focus on Him.
Oh Eric, you are absolutely right. It's something I have to keep remembering, to focus on Christ and not on the issue. The frustrating thing is that right now in my life the issue is something tangible that I can focus on and think about... but I must remember that it is not the only thing, it's not even the most important thing. Christ is everything. He is the most important part of me. That is hard to remember when I have no sense of His presence, but it is true nonetheless.
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