Appealing the Ruling on DADT Enables Bullying

I've been increasingly disappointed with President Barack Obama lately, particularly because he appealed the federal court ruling that Don't Ask Don't Tell is unconstitutional. I was hopeful, like many, that his Presidency would be a catalyst for justice for LGBT americans. And at first I was patient with the delays and his ever constant excuse that he prefers that change happen via Congress.

But here's my thing. When a federal court judge determines that a policy is unconstitutional - aka unjust and contrary to the values document of our country, and then to make an appeal against such a ruling - to me, that's a very intentional decision to support the continuation of injustice and inequality.

Seriously, how many judges (who by the way, it's their JOB to be objective and impartial) across the country at various levels of government need to rule that something is wrong before people keep asserting that they'd prefer to have Congress (who by the way, are by nature partisan and partial) or even the general population make a vote saying that something is wrong. It's stupid. To me, it has nothing to do with legal process and how something becomes law and how it's better that there's broad public support for something becoming law. If it's wrong, it's wrong. If it's unjust, it's unjust. The very function of a judge is to determine that! And if the President 'claims' that he supports repealing the policy anyway, well then I think it's a total cop-out to pass the buck and say well if all of those people agree, then we'll repeal it. Nevermind a judge.

I'm disappointed because when I voted for him, I had hoped for a leader.

Every time a judge says that discriminating against gays and lesbians is wrong, and then someone else steps in to say, 'Wait a minute! Let's vote on that!' or 'Let's ask someone else about that!' or worse even 'If it's wrong, let's change the constitution so that we can keep doing it!', every time that happens, it further communicates to not only our youth but to everyone else that it's okay to discriminate and treat certain people differently. That's bullying.

So now, with the media attention around teen suicides and anti-gay bullying, and the popular It Gets Better campaign, now the President has the nerve to do an It Gets Better video saying that it's not your fault and that you should reach out to those who support you. I find this highly hypocritical because he fails to realize that Don't Ask Don't Tell and all kinds of other anti-gay discriminatory laws ARE ALL WAYS THAT ENABLE PEOPLE TO BULLY GAY PEOPLE.

Really. And so to intentionally make an appeal of the court's ruling that something is wrong, so that once again, openly gay American soldiers can be bullied into staying in the closet or getting kicked out of the military, well that's just disappointing and frustrating.

Here's what I think. If the Commander-in-Chief ORDERS the military to STOP doing something as simple as treating openly gay and lesbian soldiers/people differently, and instead to treat everyone equally and with respect, regardless of how they may personally feel about such an order, then I believe that our military is capable of following those orders, even in a time of war. It's a cop-out to say that we need to study the impact on military readiness from such a repeal. They'll be ready no matter what.

Since when did military commanders NOT give an order until first they took a poll to see if the troops would like the order or not? That's absurd.

It's not like I think, at the time of the last election, that the alternative would have been any better on this subject. But still, it's disappointing. And i'm not sure he'd have my vote again.

I'd rather have voted for Michelle Obama. Now her - I still love!

But as for President Obama - if it really does get better, then ARE YOU going to help make it better?

Ending the Ban on Gays in the Military

Haha, yeah I know it's been 9 months since my last blog post! While I've kept quite busy with fun and exciting things with Catalyst, a part of me still misses blogging - to process my thoughts on what ever it is I'm thinking about. I wish I had the time to do it more!

I decided to write today because I've been reading about recent and yet long overdue attempts to repeal the ban on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and I had some initial reactions. In a nutshell, I've gathered that opponents to the repeal are concerned about how the ban would effect military life and readiness.

Really?

Who do you think we are? Do gay people cause such sexual chaos that without any formal regulations, we would be free to f*ck anything and everything that moves? If you remove the leash, we'll be like dogs? Even in battle? Even when there is an important job to do?

Consider how offensive that "concern" is. At the very core, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is not about protecting good order. It is more about preserving prejudice than correcting injustice. The "concern" reveals that they would rather assume that gay people are sexual deviants instead of assuming that our military men and women already are people of order and discipline - whether gay or straight.

It is the ban that jeopardizes good order and discipline because it perpetuates an unhealthy, unrealistic, and unfounded fear in its own people. It creates the doubt.

Gay people don't make military weaker. We make it stronger. Gay people don't make the Church less holy. We make it more faithful and graceful. Gay people don't diminish society. We catalyze it.

The fear and concern about how our presence will effect others is counterproductive. Because all of those fears and concerns happen with straight people - and perhaps even more.

Do straight men and women serving in the same unit jeopardize military life and readiness?

The fact is that gay men and women are often leaders. Many of us strive towards excellence. We are good at what we do. My theory is that since growing up in the closet can sometimes make us feel inadequate and unacknowledged and that being gay is not in our control, many of us compensate (perhaps even over-compensate) by working even harder than others to achieve things because that is in our control. We can't choose to be gay. But we can choose what we do - to succeed, to excel, to be fabulous!

Either way, we need gay people to be gay people because the experience of being gay and (for many of us) growing up in the closet makes us thoughtful, innovative, creative, and empathetic leaders in our society.

People should be proud to have us among their corps.

We're Better Off Without You

Last week, the California Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality. “Separate but equal” is not constitutional. Yesterday, according to an article from the Associated Press, a federal appeals court took another step forward ruling that the military can’t automatically discharge people because they are gay.

It wasn’t a ruling against the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy requiring the discharge of service men and women who acknowledge being gay or engage in homosexual activity. However, the court placed the burden on the military saying that they must prove that the “dismissal furthers the military’s goals of troop readiness and unit cohesion”. The article added that military officials “need to prove that having this particular gay person in the unit really hurts morale, and the only way to improve morale is to discharge this person.” It sounds to me that this will require justification for every application of the policy.

Yes, because this person is gay and in our presence, none of us can do our jobs. None of us are safe!

Um yeah, prove that. We’ll see how long that will last before someone up there figures out that this policy doesn’t make sense, is unjust, and/or these court cases challenging dismissals due to the policy are costing a lot of money. It’s been suggested in the article that because of this court ruling, the days of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” are numbered.

Read the article here: "Federal Court Rules Against Military Gays Policy"

It's interesting how sometimes we'll sacrifice truly valuable members of our family, organization, community, or society for the sake of other people's discomfort. We'll be willing to release them from communion in order to preserve The Communion. I don't think injustice to preserve justice makes any sense to me . . . .

I'm not simply talking about asking a disruptive voice to leave the room. I'm talking about ejecting someone from fellowship or service for the sake of morale citing race, gender, or orientation as the cause for diminishing morale.

In 1995-ish, I was part of a co-ed fraternity. I joined this fraternity with a close friend of mine. Actually, she was an ex-girlfriend from high school. At the time we had realized that “it wasn’t working” and our break up led to the development of a pretty strong friendship. So when we got to college joining the co-ed frat was something we could do together. We learned about fraternal bonds of friendship and we got to participate in community service and we got to exhibit leadership and we were both viewed as assets to our fraternal community. Then she began a personal journey of her own and started dating a female to male transgendered person “in transition” (taking hormones and had plans for surgery).

This whole thing was new to everyone and the reaction and responses weren’t something to be proud about. I liked the person my friend started dating. I had never met someone like “him” before and I learned a ton. We became friends and it was my first exposure to the GLBT world. My friend had never experienced those feelings before and at the time she viewed it as a heterosexual relationship, albeit different and unconventional. Our fraternity brothers and sisters had never experienced this before and so the conversation during the official business meeting was about what to do about our “lesbian” sister. Emotions got pretty heated and people took divided stances on this “issue.” But since I was in the closet and Side X, I stayed silent. Neutral.

But I should have spoken up for my friend regardless of the position I took on the issue for myself. I can choose to be Side X for myself but that doesn’t mean my friend should be denied the right to make her own choices or that she should be disrespected for the choices she made. Being in the closet, I was pretty confused about the situation. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself or the dark secret that I held – especially after seeing which of my fraternity brothers and sisters would not have been supportive. It hit way too close to home for me and I needed to stay invisible.

My silence wasn’t my neutrality. By not speaking up in defense of my friend and fraternity sister, I catered to my own discomfort and I catered to the discomfort of my fraternity brothers and sisters. We were having a discussion that shouldn’t have taken place in the first place – that is, to consider disowning someone from our fraternal family because some were uncomfortable about whom she chose to date.

Who cares if they felt uncomfortable? What about her discomfort with being judged? Why was she dismissed so easily for the sake of the majority?

I can see that my journey didn’t begin in 2005 when I chose to try reconciling my faith and sexuality. I was on my journey, even back then 10 years prior, when I was seeing firsthand the injustice towards the marginalized. I’m ashamed that I participated in it.

The sad part to our journeys and stories that I wish the mainstream would begin to empathize with is that many of us have little options but to live a life in the closet, in secret and in hiding out of fear of being rejected only to be proven right when we’re released, dismissed or discharged from communion or service when the news is “out”.

What we hear is: “We’re better off without you.”

Tear.

Soldiers Who Journey

Back in high school I had every intention of joining the military. I was going to be a psychologist in the U.S. Air Force. I was in JROTC for all four years of high school and I was slated for getting into Senior ROTC at a university, becoming an officer and serving this country and its service men and women by helping them process through whatever it is they are journeying through.

God had different plans for me.

By the time I had graduated, I began a different path - one that eventually led me here. The path God had laid out for me was not one of journeying with those in the military. Instead, it was one of journeying with those processing through personal conflict and tension and collision between faith and sexuality. A completely different kind of war all together.

I'm learning that before I can help anyone journey, it's important that I first endure my own personal battles. It's still hard. But at least I know that the war isn't fought alone.

I agree with John over at Average Gay Joe. Today is not a day for politics. It is a day to remember. It is a day to honor. It is a day to acknowledge that at the end of the day, there is always a cost - for any war.



Song by Avril Lavigne - "Keep Holding On". Click here for lyrics.