The Road Trip Adventure Begins!

It's here and it's official!!!!

I'm on vacation!

I had a heck of a time trying to get out of the office yesterday. I was hoping to get out of work by noon which didn't happen. There were tons to do and I was frantically trying to handle the priority tasks while at the same time coordinating a few more trip details for Chicago and Louisville while also coordinating my planned meeting with my mutual life insurance representative (to sign a new policy) who was running late and would have thrown off my tight schedule because right after work I needed to get home, finish packing, clean my room and get it ready so that it could be painted while I'm gone, go to the store to get a paint roller and stuff, and then get my butt to LAX to catch my flight. The killer was when I was literally packing up my things to leave the office when the president called me and said, 'hey remember that thing I told you was NOT a priority and can wait until you get back from vacation, I need you to do it NOW before you leave for vacation.' I HOPE THEY MISS ME WHILE I'M GONE.

Okay, stressed after reading that? Sorry. I know, i'm on VACATION!!! Woo Hoo!!!

So i'm in St. Louis, MO. Ugh. How do people live in humid weather, I don't get it --says this spoiled SoCal'er. It was warm and sticky at midnight. But i'm excited to be here. Michael and I rented a car and we met up with a friend and we're staying at his place. We're gonna check out this place called Imo's Pizza. We've heard mixed reviews (from being the best pizza place ever to being a place to go to only if you enjoy getting sick to your stomach) so we want to try it out. We think it'll be fun to sample pizza from throughout the midwest (Louisville, Indy, Grand Rapids, Chicago) and see how it compares to my fav Domenico's in Long Beach, CA. I'll give you our review of Imo's later!

We don't have set plans for other sites to see here in STL but we're going to just follow our nose's. I'll be sure to take pics and share with ya! For now, we're off for breakfast....or, er.... I mean lunch. Wait, what time is it again? Blasted time zone difference.... =P

Perfect Time For A Vacation!

I just worked a 14 hour day today. I originally planned on going in to work at 6am, however, I was up last night until 2:15am and I had a tough time waking up at 5 o'clock this morning. So i went in to work at my normal time of 8:30am and I was there until 11:00pm tonight. I'll still be coming in tomorrow morning at 6:00am to finish some things that I hadn't completed tonight.

Tomorrow is a training conference for work that I'm the event planner for so I'm in charge of running logistics. It'll be another long work day tomorrow plus I'm having friends over at my place in the evening for dinner and a movie night.

It's been pretty crazy at work for several months now. I mentioned the internal strife in last night's post. We were on the front page of the newspaper today once again. Sigh. My boss is really getting grilled! So the tension in the office was pretty high this afternoon. But as the day progressed, there was just too much to do than to be focussed on all of that nonsense.

So now is the perfect time for a vacation!

This coming Tuesday night, after work, I'll be taking off with my friend Michael for a 12 day road trip in the Midwest and Great Lakes region. I'm flying out of Los Angeles to St. Louis, Missouri and spending a couple days there from Aug. 21st - 23rd. We'll rent a car and road trip to Louisville, Kentucky from Aug. 24th - 26th. My friend Becky is a triathlete and is competing in an Ironman competition that Sunday. We'll move on to Indianapolis, Indiana from Aug. 27th - 28th. Afterwards we'll go to Grand Rapids, Michigan from Aug. 29th - 30th and then we'll go and spend our Labor Day weekend in Chicago, Illinois from Aug. 31st - Sept. 2nd. We'll fly back home to Southern California and I'll have Labor Day to rest up before heading back to work.

We'll be meeting up with friends and GCN'ers along the way. We've planned dinner gatherings so if there are any Two World Collision readers that are in those areas and would be available on any of those dates that we're there, I'd love to connect with you! Just let me now and email me at twoworldcollision(AT)yahoo(DOT)com.

Either way, i'll take lots of pictures to share the road trip journey with you.

I'm super excited about seeing my friend Becky again. She's a true inspiration. She's got a heart of gold for the GLBT community (she's an "ally" of ours). As a triathlete, she raises money for non-profit groups. For this Ironman, all her proceeds go towards the Marin Foundation. I've already donated and if you'd like to join me in supporting Becky and the work of the Marin Foundation in helping to form bridges between the faith community and the gay community, you can do so by going here:

Becky's Donation Page

Stay tuned because this is going to be an exciting end of Summer!

Catching Up On Recent Events

It may have been over two weeks since my last post but that doesn't mean life has been uneventful.

With so much going on, I haven't had the time to sit and process my thoughts. It usually takes about 2-3 hours to write a blog post about something I'm really chewing on. But the thing is, I've been chewing on about 5 things that I could write about - all in separate posts. I hate to just write updates about my life (as if that's anything to follow) but perhaps sharing with you about things that I'm doing or am involved with will help paint the broader picture of my journey to date . . . .

At the end of July, I witnessed for the first time my dad cry in front of me. His brother (my uncle) died and we were burying him. His sister (my aunt) fainted during the funeral and the paramedics came out. These were his only siblings for all his life. My dad's twin sister died when they were young in the Philippines during the war when a bomb landed on the house. Now, with my uncle having passed away, it's just he and his sister. My relationship with my dad growing up was pretty emotionless. We're better now, now that we both came out to each other. But still, seeing my dad vulnerable like that was heart-wrenching. I'm sure this all makes him consider his own mortality too. It makes me consider my dad's mortality.

The busyness of my life and the constant connecting with friends has made the grieving process short. For the past several months, I've been intentional about catalyzing the regional Southern California Gay Christian Network (SoCal GCN) community. I've accepted the role as the region's group leader and facilitator and so I've been working to help build a tangible sense of community among them in local areas throughout the region. I'll write more about this later.

In a nutshell, in the last four weeks alone, I helped facilitate opportunities for people to connect in gatherings, events, and activities at Downtown Disney for over 20 people; a bonfire at Newport Beach for over 50 people; dinner gatherings of 7-20 people each at Long Beach, San Diego, Hollywood, Los Angeles, Universal City Walk, Redondo Beach and Mission Viejo; hanging out one on one or as a small group at Oxnard, Huntington Beach, Laguna Beach, Pasadena, El Segundo, Culver City, Cerritos, and Woodland Hills. I've literally driven all over Southern California! I'm hoping to show you a bunch of pics in another post this weekend.

I've gone on a couple of dates with guys that didn't seem to be a match. I've also had a crush or two that weren't mutual. Most recently, I've been "hanging out" with someone who seems to really peak my interest. The exciting part is that it's mutual. We've communicated romantic interest in each other! We'll see how it goes but we're just taking things slow and one step at a time. We're getting to know one another and we're discovering that we connect on many subjects and many levels. He makes me smile inside.

The work place drama, infighting, and internal politics at my job (not my non-profit) have intensified. People are still trying to get others fired. Board of Directors are suing each other and cussing at each other. We were in the newspaper numerous times. I work in a hostile work climate. My boss seems clueless as to the actual climate of the office. I tried to give him feedback by telling him what the climate was like and he responded with a sense of denial. He says that nothing could possibly be wrong because our office has produced so much this summer. He forgets the fact that we produced so much because I'm the one he tasked to do all of these special projects in the midst of the craziness. Our productivity has nothing to do with the work climate. Of anything, it just shows that I was able to complete these projects despite the hostile work climate. But in his eyes, everything is simply peachy. I've also been working event logistics on a mini-conference that's happening tomorrow (Saturday). That means its going to be crazy busy over the next two days at work. I've been avoiding overtime, when possible, because I so much look forward to my weeknight and weekend social life away from work. But I may be going in to work this morning at 5am or 6am (goodness that just in a few hours from now) and I may be staying late until 6pm or 7pm. I haven't decided for sure but this will be my last work day before Saturday's big event. Sigh.

Through Catalyst (my non-profit), i'm working with a few other organizations on an HIV/AIDS Collaborative and we'll be working together to explore how we can serve the needs of the HIV/AIDS population here in Long Beach. We're only at the very preliminary planning stages so we'll see how this develops. The interesting thing is that this is the first collaboration that I'm doing with my old first non-profit that I co-founded 5 years ago. This is the same one that I left in 2006 because of the whole "gay issue". Read more about what happened in "For the Kingdom and For the Baby". It's weird to see this organization (that I still love) do so well - without me being a part of shaping its direction. The Collaborative meeting was held in my old organization's office so it was quite uncomfortable. But I know that we're working together on something important and I know we'll make a difference. The other thing is that I know that our collaborating efforts will stir things in the Hot Zone. Despite our shared value that what we're doing is NOT a gay or straight thing, it will be inevitable. But at least it will stir discussion within the Church in our city.

A sad/frustrating piece of current event to share is that the same night that we met for this Collaborative, when I got back to my car at 10:30pm I discovered that my car had been broken into. They used a slim jim to get in through my driver's side door. The only things they took seemed to be items relating to my identity. They took my DMV car registration, my car insurance card and my health benefits card - all of which were held together in the glove compartment. They also stole my new portable GPS which I got specifically for my upcoming road trip next week (I'll post about that soon too!). I had to take time off of work to go to the police station early in the morning to file a police report, then also go to the DMV to get a new car registration card. Plus, I spent time on the phone doing all the identity theft/fraud prevention measures.

Oh well. As with the passing of my uncle, I've had too much going on to really dwell on uncontrollable circumstances. I've just been moving forward and perhaps i'll grieve later. I hope that doesn't screw me up.

So much more to share so stay tuned....

Nutshell Hodge Podge Version of Things

So yeah, it's been a while since my last post and there have been a ton of things going on (as you can tell if you've checked out some of the filmloops in the right column). I'll fill you in on the nutshell-hodge-podge version of the past several weeks to give you an idea of how my life has been. I promise that I'll try to find some time to sit down and process some raw thoughts. (Hehe, as if you've been waiting for the juicy stuff, right?) In the mean time, my world has been both crazy and crazy busy.

Pretty much all of my weekends and numerous weekdays for the past several months have been jam packed with connecting with a variety of folks - friends, new friends, work events, community events, family and even a couple of dates here and there (but no, not that many) . . . .

There have been a couple of birthday dinners. I've gone out to the local karaoke bar a few times. I've gone out dancing at some clubs. I even went to an underground club in LA and it was soooo much fun! That night I danced non-stop, literally, from 2:15am - 4:00am. It was crazy fun! I went out to Palm Springs one evening. I went to a gay prom. I went to an awards dinner for work. I had my last sessions with my personal trainer at the gym. I saw a friend play in a wind symphony concert. I went hiking. I was interviewed by a gay magazine with regional circulation. I was interviewed for a podcast. With the help of a friend, I created a touched up audio recording of my "Connect and Affect" speech. I'll post that up some time. I went to a poolside BBQ party. I've had dinner in several people's homes. I've gone to the movies many times. I've gone to a couple dinner parties. I went to happy hour. I helped clean up the beach. I saw a friend's first photo exhibit. I helped coordinate a multi-time zone movie viewing of The Breakfast Club along with a local lunch time breakfast food potluck in LA. I went on a couple of dates. I crushed during some non-dates. I reconciled two friendships that were previously on the rocks. I went to Santa Barbara. I saw the Long Beach Pride parade. I saw the Los Angeles Pride parade. I played volleyball. I played tennis. I've been jogging. I got addicted to Facebook. I caught up on TiVo (but now i'm behind again because i've been doing all these things you are reading about now). I met with a financial planner. I've exchanged a couple messages with some Match.com guys. I've been connecting with the planners for the upcoming Ex-Gay Survivors Conference. I accepted a volunteer position as the Gay Christian Network (GCN) Southern California Regional Group Leader and Facilitator. I applied to do a small group workshop at GCN's annual conference in January 2008 in Washington DC. I've talked with God.

So that was all the fun stuff.

The not so fun stuff includes some really horrible days at work for the past month. The Executive Director was fired. The internal politics at work flared up and the two factions started warring with each other. The keys to the building and the alarm code were changed. I didn't receive the new ones for several days (and i'm supposed to open the office in the mornings). A couple Board of Directors cussed each other out in the office in front of a member and all the office staff. There were protestors outside the office who eventually barged inside forcing themselves in the lobby area (where my desk is) and did the whole yelling and chanting bit. (They were protesting against the organization's president). I lost respect for many of them because of their tantrum-like bullying behavior. We were on the front page of the newspaper numerous times. Editorials were written about the organization. The tension in the office was so thick at times that you could slice it with a knife! On one day, I left work early after only being there two hours because of the tension. One co-worker in particular has been getting on my-last-nerve! There have been independent auditors in the building. The book keeper quit today of all days - the day that our payroll is processed so that we can get paid on Friday. There have been numerous members calling, emailing, and coming in wondering what the heck is going on because the president hasn't been communicating with them (or even the press) why they fired the Executive Director. So the press is only reporting one side of the issue. A controversial meeting was held to reinstate the Executive Director but there is still question in regards to that meeting's legitimacy. So the boss is back but it's way awkward. Is he really back? Is he really the boss? We're all caught in the middle.

On the flip side, we finally reached a tentative agreement on our employment contract in our bargaining sessions. Part of that agreement includes retroactive pay. I'm super stoked about that. What shall I do with that money, you ask? Why - pay for my MidWest vacation through five states that i'm taking with a friend at the end of August, of course! =) The Board of Directors votes to ratify our contract tomorrow. They better. Otherwise, we're ALL calling in sick!

Sigh.

Okay, i think that's it. That's all the craziness of my life the past couple months. In the next several weeks, i'll be attending the Ex-Gay Survivors Conference and helping with the book-signing table. I'll be seeing Peterson Toscano's awesome show along with Jason & DeMarco. I'll be going to a picnic in San Diego that i've helped put together. I'll be going to a hawaiian themed birthday party. I'll be participating in the Long Beach AIDS Walk. I'll be going to a single day of the Evangelicals Concerned Western Region Conference. I'll be having coffee with many people. I'll be having dinner with many people. Hopefully, i'll be going on some dates. I may go camping. I am definitely going to the movies to see Transformers, Harry Potter and Evan Almighty. Also on my radar is getting the Catalyst web site revamped and updated. I also want to prepare and video record my Ex-Gay Survivors story and also my vision for Catalyst. At the end of August, a friend and I are planning on touring St. Louis, MO, Louisville, KY (to support BeckyO in her Ironman triathlon), Indianapolis, IN, Chicago, IL, and Grand Rapids, MI. Fun times!

So the summer will be super jam-packed. Let's hope I can balance this introvert's social life with some alone time. Maybe then I can really blog and give you some of that raw juicy stuff that i've been thinking and processing about in this head of mine. Either way, thanks for keeping up with me and TWC!

Stay tuned....

Collision at Work

So a crazy thing happened at the job Thursday morning. I was the first one in to work and began my routine of opening up the office. I turned off the alarm, turned on the photo copy machines, turned on the lights, turned on my computer, went to the front and opened the window blinds, unlocked the front door, stepped outside to grab the newspaper, went to the back of the office where the staff lounge is and sorted out the newspaper while preparing my morning oatmeal and banana.

Then I heard a car crash. We've had car accidents in front of our building before so I thought no big deal. Then I heard a second and much louder crash.

Uh oh. That didn't sound normal.

I left the staff lounge, turned the corner, and looked into the front office where I was just two minutes before when I unlocked the front door and opened the blinds. Lo and behold, I saw a steaming blue volvo where the front wall and door used to be.

Apparently two cars collided which sent one of them smashing through our front lobby. My desk faces the front door behind a counter. Had I been sitting at my desk, I would have looked up and saw this car heading straight at me! I can only imagine the shock of what it would have been like. Fortunately, I was neither at my desk nor in the front lobby at the time.

The funny thing is that when the fireman said that he was sorry that this had to happen at my work place, I told him that this was nothing compared to the kind of craziness that normally happens in this office.

There is way too much drama at work!

Recovering From Bad Days and Seasons

[Note: Scroll down to see Daniel Powter's video for "Bad Day" on YouTube and the lyrics.]

Damn it. Sigh. I'm sorry, it's just that . . . I just need a break. I'm waiting for something to break. I've been feeling pretty crappy for the past several weeks now, with a few patches of fun and smiles here and there. What's going on?

I just need a good long hug.

Among the emotional rollercoaster, there's also the work drama. There will be elections for new Board members in February so that means everyone's got an agenda. No one can be trusted, really. The office manager/accounting person just resigned yesterday and so no one trusts that the budget and ledger is accurate. People are out to "get" each other. Plus, i've got my own agenda . . . .

I woke up at 5AM (today) yesterday, early Tuesday, and got to work by 6AM to get a report done. It was needed for the Board of Director's meeting. Also discussed at the Board meeting was the reclassification of my job. I mentioned a few days ago that I'm not being paid consistent to the work I've been producing. I'm doing the work of a job five categories above my current classification which is a huge salary difference.

I've been and still feel undervalued there but at the same time, I feel compelled to do well - at what ever I do! I believe that God calls us to a standard of excellence in the work place and so that very different paradigm and approach has led to fruitful results, compliments from superiors, and the favor of my boss'. I don't think it's unfair to ask them to pay me accordingly. In fact, i'm not asking for a raise, per se, just that they would reclassify me to the more appropriate position (which has a higher salary scale).

With all the craziness and politics that's going on in the office right now, the Board tabled the discussion about my reclassification until next month. I don't mean to be a brat and all - but hell, that puts me off and it means another month of working for less than I'm giving. I know, i know, I can see a spiritual lesson coming out of this. Virtue and righteousness aside (but by no means devaluing them), on the whole i'm feeling pretty taken for granted - not just at work but at home, in life, in relationships.

I'm weary and i'm starting to shut down.

I guess I feel like i'm running out of gas - going on fumes and I just need to be ministered to, encouraged, hugged. On the surface, it kinda sounds selfish but it just feels like I give and I give and I give and I really don't mind giving - it's just that I long for it to be mutual and reciprocal. Isn't that fair?

I've acknowledged before and still do appreciate special people to me who have been supporting me lately. This post is not referring to them! I love you soooo much! (I'm just venting now.)

So anyway, i'm waiting for something to break. Is it just a season? Am I doing something wrong? Am I being wronged? Perhaps, it's all three. Either way, I can see that i'm starting to get a little bitter and I'm finding that I've got less strength to give out. I don't like being in this place.

But alas, the journey continues. After work today, I was bummed so I felt pretty anti-social. I avoided the gym (again) and went home, ate more than I should have (comfort food), and fell asleep early. I woke up at 2:30AM and here I am an hour later. I've got work in the morning - and *sigh* it's only Wednesday.

I finally have a reason to post this old favorite song "Bad Day" from Daniel Powter. I think I discovered him through Yahoo's Lauchcast videos a while back before it hit mainstream popularity. I saw it when they featured him as a new artist to watch and I loved him and the video immediately! Guess, they were right because the world caught wind of him soon enough.

He came out to LA a few month's ago to do a live radio performance for STAR 98.7 FM and for the first time performed a new song of his called "Love You Lately" (see the video at his site here). I got it on iTunes and i'm loving it as one of my new fav's! In fact, i'm listening to it now. So anyway, when he was on that show here in LA, he also did "Bad Day" and he explained that when he wrote the song, it wasn't just talking about having a bad day at the office. Rather, he said that it talks about how we have bad seasons in our lives when we hit low low times, even rock bottom. That's one of the reasons why I was attracted to the song back when I discovered it because I am all too familiar with low times and rock bottom.

Gosh, as bad of a day today (yesterday) was, it's amazing to see how God lifted me out of bad seasons - there was the suicide, not to mention 2001, and also one year ago, plus the days here or there along the journey of this past year and a half. The thing is - God always orchestrated these extremely difficult times to lead to amazing blessings. I've learned that closed doors always lead to opened doors because we are always traveling - always journeying towards Him.

He truly has been and is my Rock!

Bed time. It's 4:18AM and I've gotta get up for work in 3 hours at 7:00AM.

Here's to the bad days and bad seasons that God carries us through:



"Bad Day" by Daniel Powter

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day

Sleepless Nights

I haven't been sleeping well for this whole week! Literally, every single night this week I've found myself waking up earlier than usual - about the one o'clock hour (usually if I wake up, it'd be about 3am then back to snoozing) and i've been waking up several times periodically until wake up time.

I guess there's just been a lot going on in my world right now . . . .

Primarily, much of my focus lately has been on work. I don't mind the actual work, in fact, I like the work that i'm doing for my new job. There's one co-worker in particular that's been the source of much grief for me though. She's an older woman - perhaps late 50's or 60's - and on one hand she's very helpful at times in letting me know how things have been done in the past. On the other hand, it get's very irritating when she lets me know how things have been done in the past. I officially am completely done with the phrase, "well that's the way we've always done things" !!!!

**this is where you imagine me screaming at the top of my lungs while pulling my hair out**

She can be very nice, at times, but it gets pretty frustrating much of the time because she doesn't do things very efficiently. She STILL uses a typewriter. A typewriter.

The thing is - the work that I do are things that she used to be doing. So there are times when I need her to tell me how things were done. But she thinks that her telling me how it used to be done also means that it's the way it is "supposed" to be done. No. I'm all about finding better ways of doing things, especially when I'm the one who has to do it - and so when I start doing things my way, I can tell it irks her. Tension.

For the past several weeks, I've been organizing a training-type conference which is happening this coming Saturday. Before I started working here, she was the one working on it. Now, the responsibility was given to me. So over the past several weeks, I've been finding that she doesn't fully brief me regarding things that I need to know about. Argh! So I keep having to adjust, be innovative, and make it look like it doesn't phase me. I have literally redone everything that she had done prior because it's just not quality stuff or it's not the way that I would rather have it. It's not my style to blame someone else when an event fails. So when she does things that almost seems like she's sabotaging my success, I work even harder to ensure it. I'm very flexible and adaptable and I love multi-tasking - so the work doesn't bother me. It's just the tension that she creates between us.

I think she underestimates me. Actually, I feel like she patronizes me. She's twice my age. She doesn't know that I have experience with event-planning. So I feel like she wants me to fail so that she can prove that I can't do it without her. I'm determined to demonstrate my potential. I feel like this is my "coming-out" event at work. This is the first event that I've been in charge of at work and I want to show what I'm capable of. I really just think she feels threatened by me because the bosses are not happy with her and she can foresee herself losing her job.

Speaking of coming out, the kewl thing is that I can be "out" at work because there are others that are "out" too. It feels good to be able to just be me. I don't have to "act" straight (even though I'm told that I come across that way anyway) and I don't have to "act" gay just to show that I'm out and proud. I can just be me and I can be measured by the quality of the work that I do. That's a kewl thing. And I get great feedback from the higher-ups that are pleased with my work too! Several weeks ago, my boss told me about a conversation she had with a friend of hers who said to her, "have you ever noticed that gay people always seem to be successful?" That was awesome because if two straight people are going to have a conversation about gay people, i'd rather it be a comment about our success rather than our sexuality.

So work has been good times and bad times and great times and frustrating times - but i'm super excited about the training conference this Saturday. I've been pretty thorough in planning out the logistics so i'm sure it'll turn out well!

I'm excited to find out today that after this long long and tiring week, we've all got Monday off because of "Admissions Day" or something like that. Something about it being the day California was admitted into the Union. Never heard of it. I can use the day off. Hey, wait, I just now realized . . . i'll be off Monday, then i'll be off Friday (see SF trip below), then i'll be off the next Monday for Labor Day. Woo hoo! Three day work week next week! =)

Work has probably been a huge source of the sleepless nights but there's been more.

With most of my time being invested at work right now, I haven't done as much as I would like with Catalyst. I did, however, meet with the Program Director at the Gay & Lesbian Center here in Long Beach and I'll be teaching HTML workshops on how to build a personal website. It may span out to other kinds of tech workshops too. My goal is to use the revenue that the Center gives Catalyst from the workshops (only about 20% of what the Center takes in - small but it's something) and to use those funds for the leadership development program that I'll be developing.

I discovered an article online last week at the Press-Telegram that references my name and Catalyst Long Beach. It's a small reference but I was excited to stumble upon it. I was going to share the link with you but it's no longer showing it.

I've also been investing energy with Toastmasters - that's an organization that helps people develop their oral communication skills. Last week, I delivered a speech which went very well. The week before that I facilitated the impromptu speeches portion of the club's meeting. For both weeks, I was given an award for what I did. That's always kewl. I'll be entering into a speech contest in September for impromptu speeches. That's where they give you a topic and you talk on it "off-the-cuff".

I'm really excited about leading a workshop in September for Open Door Ministries' conference. I'll be talking about how to expand one's relational sphere of influence while living out a lifestyle of faith - this as an approach to living out the Great Commission and reframing the way we see "outreach" and "evangelism". After the workshop, I'll be leading a weekly home group that will be focussed on living out genuine community while equipping and training people on the things I first presented in the workshop. I feel affirmed in all of this because while much of what I want to do is unconventional, my pastor is in agreement and support of me and what I want to teach and do. I want to help gay Christians get past the whole "gay" thing and really get to work in advancing His Kingdom.

Oh yeah, something else that I found troublesome, was this past Sunday morning when I visited a local inclusive church's service. The good: gay and lesbian Christians who's worship and message was completely centered on Christ. The bad: from the time that I first entered their "fellowship", through the service, and until the time that I exited and left for home, not ONE person spoke to me or touched me. No hello. No welcome. No handshake. No hug. No greeting. No acknowledgement that I was a visitor. This is a church of about 35 people. It was obvious that I was new. I also noticed that I was literally the only non-white person there. As unwelcomed as I felt, I still chose to worship among them and not leave (especially since it appeared Christ-centered) and also to share in Communion with them. I really don't think they intended for me to feel unwelcomed. I just think that they were oblivious to it. The irony is that they were talking about how for the last two weeks, they've been discussing "Church" and what it is and why we "go" every Sunday and how it's not about religious routines but rather that it's about people.

Sigh + Chuckle = Shaking Head.

I'm also looking forward to my trip back up to San Francisco during the labor day weekend. I've already purchased my plane ticket and I'll be leaving right after work that Thursday so that I can (hopefully) have time to do stuff that evening. I'll stay in the Bay area through the weekend and will come back labor day evening. I'm really excited about the trip because I want to pack in alot of things - including meeting up with new friends, site seeing with a bud of mine (who will be joining me from Santa Barbara), seeing the REAL golden gate bridge (don't laugh at me! okay, go ahead and laugh!) and Alcatraz, checking out the gay & lesbian center there, and visiting one or more inclusive churches. I plan to take lots of pictures!

My buddy get's back from his 3 week Mid-West vacation this Saturday. He's my room mate. You've seen him before here. He went home to visit family and old friends. He also went up to Minnesota and Canada for canoeing. I'm excited he'll be back soon! =)

Some of my lack of good sleep can also probably be attributed to a bit of tension i've been having with a friend of mine who has been enduring hard times for the past few years. I want the best for him and I want him to be happy, it's just that it's hard to hear him focus so much on what isn't going right in his life instead of what is. I prefer a positive attitude because the alternative is too void of life. I'd rather (at least try to) lift people up. The tension came last week when we both had a pretty heated discussion about the fact that our hard times isn't always God's fault. You've gotta understand that I come quickly to my Lord's defense because I personally know, first hand, what it's like to hit rock bottom. Literally. Those were times I still have not yet shared specific details on this blog. I know hard times. And the hard times was not His fault! Of anything, it was mine. But the Lord was the One who helped me out of the hard times - from nothing, He rebuilt everything I messed up. I know God to be good. So, yes, I'll defend His name and His character - even with my life, if necessary. I just want my friend to accept and acknowledge the good that God is giving him because it's there. Maybe then he'll experience the peace that God has already allocated for him. He's hanging in there though and i'm praying for him! =)

The final contribution to my lack of good sleep is most likely the fact that I've been exercising! Yes, i've been going to the gym again. On one hand, it feels really good - especially since i'm starting to drop a few of the unwanted lb's - but on the other hand, my body is oh so achey. That's probably been keeping me up at night too.

I'm hoping for rest - not just sleep, but rest. I trust it'll come. My Lord is faithful and while it does seem like I've got so much going on with busyness and work and frustrations and tensions and worlds colliding and fun times with friends and all that jazz, i'm also mindful of just being still.

Back From The Bay Area

I'm back from San Francisco and I've gotta say that I really liked the Bay Area. I didn't get to see all that much but from what I did see, I had a good first impression. Leaving Long Beach to get there was a different story. I left Tuesday evening (scheduled to depart at 8:20pm so I got there at 7:15pm) and that was the day that some kind of something crashed into some other thing that knocked out some important thing and resulted in shutting down every Southern California airport for several hours. (How's that for accurate news reporting?) I ended up flying in to SF and getting to my hotel by 2 a.m. . . . .

The training for work went well. I'm excited about getting into the routine of work because I now feel equipped to do my job. I'll be utilizing a Web-based software application and I feel confident in using it. There's always that learning curve whenever a person starts something new and so naturally there's that mix of excitement and anxiety. I'm looking forward to doing what I do well so that I can demonstrate my potential. The other cool thing was that, just as I mentioned before, I was able to not deliberately hide the fact that I am gay. My boss came with me and as we got to know each other I was able to talk pretty casually and openly about myself unapologetically. She's cool with it all.

Since the training was primarily during the day from Wednesday through Friday, I got to see a little bit of the city. I didn't see a whole lot, so i'm hoping to go back possibly during Labor Day weekend (maybe!). On Thursday night, I met up with my GCN friend and he took me to see the Castro area or district or whatever you call it. We went to this really kewl place called Cafe Flore - it was a combination restaurant, coffee shop and bar. I really liked the atmosphere there. It was very comfortable. We walked up and down the street and went dancing at two different clubs. One of the things I was keeping an eye out for was making a comparison between Long Beach, West Hollywood (WeHo), and Castro in SF. From what I perceived, I felt like there was alot less "attitude" in Castro than there is in WeHo. People seemed alot more comfortable and relaxed and laid back and even kinder as compared to WeHo. It was easier to approach someone and have a friendly conversation. I was also surprised to see how ethnically diverse San Francisco is in general - throughout downtown but also at the Castro's clubs. I thought that was kind of kewl. After dancing, my friend took me up to a place called Twin Peaks which overlooked the city. I always like seeing city views like that. It was foggy because it was 2 a.m. by this time but it was still pretty nice seeing all the city lights and stuff. Fun times.

On Friday, the training ended early so I went off on my own to try to see the Golden Gate bridge. I didn't have much time because I needed to get back to Oakland to reunite with my boss and get to the airport and I didn't want to hit the afternoon traffic. I didn't get to go to Golden Gate Park but I was able to find a place to park and walk along the street where all the piers are and I went on a pier that had a great view of the Golden Gate bridge. I really didn't want to leave SF not having seen it since it's such a landmark of the city. Yep, that's me in the picture above on the pier with the bridge in the background. It turned out to be a great day in terms of weather to be out in SF.

I guess going in to SF, I somewhat expected to see a "gay city" with a lot of freaky looking people. After driving around and seeing the downtown area during the day time and after seeing the club life at Castro in the evening, I realized how much I kinda pre-judged SF beforehand. Everyone that I saw in SF looked completely average and normal. In fact, compared to WeHo where you'd typically see the "skinny beautiful blonde and blue" eye candy (both guys and girls), SF people really did look average - and that in itself was attractive. I remember thinking that I (and so many other people in the Church) had/have such a preconceived stereotype of San Francisco and it's easy to judge it like it deserves to be covered in fire and brimstone. But when I saw it for myself, I realized that I was ignorant for thinking that. Just like when I saw the gay community in Long Beach for myself, I realized that God was there and that I was ignorantly prejudging the community. That's what makes me want to see the world for myself - with my own eyes - so that my paradigm and stereotypes can continue to be shattered. And it makes me think that all those people who say such hateful things about gay people (or even well-intentioned condemnation from nice people) just haven't met enough gay people and gotten to know them to see how awesome and kind and loving and genuine and real and "normal" we are. It's easier for them to keep their eyes closed with fingers pointing while imagining that the few extreme examples portrayed in the media represent what the entire community is like. I think they need to go out and see the very people they are condemning, look them in the eyes, then look at their whole life, and then try to judge and condemn them. They pray (prey) against a people they don't even know. I pray that God's love would be demonstrated to them through a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered person so that their paradigms would be completely shattered!

Anyway, where was I?

I'm really looking forward to coming back again to see more of the city. This was huge for me because this was my very first time going to San Francisco and so I was super excited. Some friends are planning on going up during the Labor Day weekend so i'm going to explore the option of me going as well. I've decided that I want to be more intentional about traveling - going on vacations and seeing the world outside of Southern California. I haven't traveled much and I feel like I missed out on alot of fun during my 20's. I always came up with some kind of excuse - i didn't have money, i couldn't get away from the job to go, i can't take time off from the ministry, i'll go later in life. Now that I'm 30, I don't want to look back when I'm 40 and have the same regret. I want to live life, I want to experience life, I want to see life - out there! The more I see of the world with my own eyes, the more I realize how much I do not know about the world. I feel blessed that God opened a door for me to have this new job because it's stable and will give me the financial means to save up and go places. I appreciate the Lord's provision.

No fretting about the work with Catalyst though! I'm still very excited about what we're doing and I still feel like I'm able to do what needs to be done when I'm not working the job. Thanks everyone!

Welcome to the Staff

Just a quick note about my first two days at the new job that I mentioned on TWC's bday on Thursday. It has been going well so far. They even had a huge and beautiful arrangement of yellow flowers (see photo) delivered for me to welcome me onto the staff! Awww...... wasn't that kewl? They are flying me out to San Francisco for a training this coming week from Tuesday night through Friday night. It'll be my first time in the Bay area and i'll have Weds & Thurs evening free so hopefully i'll be able to connect with GCN friends in the area and see some fun sites! =)

Anyway, it's blazing hot in Southern California today so I hope you are staying cool if you're baking where you are too!

On a side note, I wanted to encourage everyone to keep Becky in your thoughts and prayers as she competes in the Gay Games in Chicago this weekend in the triathalon. She's an amazing friend, woman, and sister in Christ who loves the gay community genuinely. I'm sure she's looking forward to meeting different people and gaining greater insight into understanding our community better. The triathalon starts early Sunday morning. We need more people like her and also Zeke in the mainstream church who are willing to love and try to understand the GLBT people within the Church.

Take care everyone!